


I Miss You, I Miss You

by AFangirlFantasy



Series: I Cannot Dream Tonight [2]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Baker Harry, Baker Louis, Dom Louis, Dom Zayn, Dom/sub, Multi, Soulmates, Sub Harry, Sub Liam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-04
Updated: 2016-06-04
Packaged: 2018-07-12 03:46:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 22,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7084387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AFangirlFantasy/pseuds/AFangirlFantasy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Part 2 of "Don't Waste Your Time On Me, You're Already The Voice Inside My Head"</p><p>After all these months of Louis waiting, Harry is finally awake. Now what?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Here is the second part! I hope you guys like it! It took me a bit to write, because I had a lot of different directions I thought I was going to go with it. Hopefully the way it ended up is just alright for you all! xoxox

_April 30 th_

It’s been one week since Harry woke up. It’s been one week since Harry’s enchanting eyes gazed into Louis’ soul and he was tainted forever. It’s been one week since their bracelets turned green, and they found out they were soul mates. To say things were suddenly happening really fast would be the understatement of the century. Louis’ still trying to wrap his head around the fact that Harry’s voice sounds like molasses if molasses had a sound, much less the fact that he’s getting ready to leave the hospital.

“Mr. Styles, I’m sure you are more than thrilled to finally be leaving our facility.”

Harry is dressed, sitting in a wheelchair that the nurses provided for him.

“Yes, this past week has been pretty unbearable, to think I’ve been here for months is quite strange.”

Harry had to stay another week, they wanted to do scans, exams, tests, etc. Everything needed to be checked over before they were going to emit him, they didn’t want to assume anything about his condition. Which thankfully, he’s fine. And within that week, if Harry wasn’t away being poked or prodded, he was in his room with some family member or friend. Louis has met nearly all of Harry’s extended family at this point, and he doesn’t remember a single one’s name. Oh well.

“Well, you’re very lucky you have such supportive friends and family, who came by all the time to visit you.”

And when the doctor makes that comment, Harry looks right at Louis and no one else.

“Yes…yes, I am.”

* * * *

“Louis, I know that you’re probably really eager to have Harry come home with you, but I think right now…I think it’s just best he comes home with us. You are more than welcome to stay while he’s there, but I just don’t see it being feasible for him to move around in a wheelchair, in that apartment.”

Louis knew Anne was going to suggest it, even the doctor frowned when Harry joked that he was going to need a crane to lift him into the flat since there is no elevator. But Louis can’t help the slight ache that stifles in his heart. Louis hasn’t had any time with Harry alone, and he’s been waiting long enough.

“I understand. I’ll probably stay at the apartment because of Muffin, but I hope it’s okay if I come over.”

“Don’t be silly, anytime you want, just come. You never have to ask.”

This is enough to pull a smile on his face, but he still feels disappointed. And with the way her eyes look apologetically back, he thinks she must know that too.

* * * *

Even though it’s only been a week, many things have started to change. When Muffin scratches at Harry’s door, Louis opens it happily for her. He also no longer feels any qualms about sleeping in Harry’s bed, in fact, he’s rather excited about the idea of inhaling Harry’s scent until he’s metaphorically high off it. Now too, Louis comes home most days with the lads chilling on his couch. When it first happened, Louis was stunned because he was sure he had locked the door, but then Niall informed him they all have keys, and were just being respectful in not bombarding Louis before. Louis can’t help but fill up with some kind of warmth, knowing that they feel comfortable enough with him around as they did with Harry, and that makes Louis’ just about burst with happiness.

However, four days into them being there, and Louis is very nearly ready to kick them out. Niall is on the couch, Zayn is in his chair, and Liam is standing behind Zayn giving him a back massage. And for whatever reason, Louis just wants to scream.

“You guys know you have your own apartments, right?”

Niall just laughs it off, but Zayn turns around and looks at him questioningly.

“Everything okay, boo?”

And yeah, Zayn started calling him pet names, but Louis doesn’t mind. Zayn is his favorite after all, aside from Harry.

“Yeah, just…just getting really frustrated not having Harry here. It’s like… I went all this time not getting to know him or meet him, but now that he’s awake, nothing’s changed. I’m not trying to complain and sound shitty, I understand why. I guess I’m just being impatient, that’s all.”

Liam stops massaging Zayn’s shoulders, and Zayn gets up from his chair to pull Louis into a hug. Then Zayn pulls apart, and talks quietly to Louis in the close space between their bodies, as if what he’s about to say is a secret being kept between them.

“You know why you feel this way, don’t you?”

“Because he’s my partner?”

Zayn smirks, but the smirk is not so much a, ‘you’re funny,’ as it is a, ‘oh, you poor thing.’

“Louis…that’s what it means to be a ‘soulmate.’ You feel things far greater than the average pairing. You’re two halves of the same soul. When you feel sad, Harry feels it, no matter where he is. And when he’s sad, you’ll feel it too. I’m sure right now, you’re emotional because you both are not happy with the circumstances. Take that as a sign, that he’s feeling the same way.”

“But what can I do? He’s at Anne’s.”

“Why not call or text him? I’m sure he’d be excited to have you reach out to him.”

“I never got his number. It was just so crazy, and there was always someone around that I never got a chance to ask.”

“You’re hopeless.”

Zayn laughs and then reaches into his pocket to pull out his phone. Another couple seconds pass and Louis’ cell vibrates with a text from Zayn.

“There, now you have it.”

“Thanks.”

Since it’s his first time texting Harry, he wants it to be absolutely silent so he can think, so Louis goes into the bedroom and closes the door behind him. When he has his phone within his fingers, he lingers over the screen, thinking about how to start off the conversation.  ** _Hey Harry, miss you…_**   _No that’s stupid Louis, you can do better than that. **You have nice eyes.** Nope that’s just creepy.  **What are you doing?** Too laid back! Louis think! _It takes another twenty minutes of typing, and erasing, and retyping the message before Louis has gotten something he can kind of stomach sending.

**_Hey Harry! :) Just wanted to see how you’ve been doing._ **

Louis is anxious as his thumb presses into send, causing him to be jittery and nervous, as he thinks of every worst possible scenario to happen while he waits for the text. However, all of his thoughts did not cover the one silly thing he actually forgot to mention.

**Who is this?**

Louis forgot to write his name.  _You had one chance, and you blew it._ He facepalms his own forehead in utter embarrassment.

**_Louis! Sorry, forgot to say that before._ **

**Lou!!!!!!! :) :) I miss u .xx**

And it’s funny, because as soon as Louis reads those words off the screen, it’s almost like he can sense that Harry really feels that way. Like there is some inner force within himself that is genuinely conjoined with Harry despite being miles apart. Louis recounts what Zayn had said, but shakes his head in disbelief. There’s truly no way that’s possible.

**_Haha. I miss you too. What are you doing now?_ **

**I am sitting bored in my bed. Come save me!**

**_Oh love, you have no idea how much I would like to do that_ **

**U have no idea how much I want u to do that**

**_Are you trying to tease me? Because it’s working_ **

**Working enough to get u to come here?**

It’s certainly worth the money and effort to go to Harry right now. Even if Harry was across the world, if he asked Louis like this, he would get on the next plane out. And who knows? If Louis heads out to see him, maybe they’ll get to be alone. Maybe they’ll even kiss again, which Louis has sorely been craving.

**_I’ll be there in forty_ **

**Lou!!! Really!!!! :) :)**

**_You owe me ;)_ **

**Anything u want**

And that one line has Louis running so fast out of his flat that he doesn’t have the chance to tell the boys he’s leaving.

* * * *

When Louis gets to Anne’s, as always, the door opens before he even has the chance to ring or knock, and someone is pulling him in for a hug. This time, Gemma is wrapping her slender arms around his frame, and he’s more than happy to return the gesture.

“You don’t come here enough! Haven’t seen you in days!”

“Well the last time I was here, someone was busy with work.”

“Bite me.”

Louis chuckles loudly because ever since Harry’s been awake, Gemma has been sassier than ever, and Louis absolutely loves it.

“You’re such a feisty kitten.”

“Speaking of…how’s Muffin?”

“Good, I can’t wait for Harry to meet her!”

And as if on cue, Harry’s voice calls down from upstairs, summoning Louis away. He shakes his head, and Gemma gives him a wink, and then he heads up the stairs to his dearly missed partner.

“Harry, since when did you get so demanding?”

Louis enters into what is technically Gemma’s room, but Harry is staying in for the time being. He’s lying on the bed, smiling so widely and brightly that Louis fears he’s going to be blinded.

“You actually came!”

“You were quite convincing. Really great negotiating skills you’ve got there, Curly.”

“I hardly said anything.”

“And that’s why you’re so good.”

Harry’s smile remains as he responds back to Louis, who shuffles his body next to him on the bed. This is the first time they’ve been truly alone together, and Louis’ whole being is vibrating with nerves, and a small ounce of eagerness.

“You’re a cheeky shit, aren’t you?”

They both are really close to one another, and when Louis levels his face so that his eyes stare directly into Harry’s, the atmosphere changes dramatically. Louis tries to pretend that he doesn’t notice the way his heart slows, or how everything falls out of focus except for Harry’s eyes. He tries to ignore it all, as he continues with the banter.

“I like to think of myself as ‘sarcastic asshole.’ But cheeky shit works fine for me, love.”

“You know Lou, your eyes are so insanely blue. I think I could stare at them all day.”

 _Bzzzzz. Bzzzzz._ Louis’ brain is dead. Fried. Out of order. How can Harry just say that? And on top of that, how can Harry actually be doing it, because he is! He is staring back at Louis and making Louis feel like he is going to be engulfed and it’s terrifying. Not because Harry is looking at him with this newfound desire, but because Louis knows he’s looking at Harry the same way. With wanting, needing. He wants to get his hands on Harry, and it’s downright painful trying to ignore these emotions.

“Harry…your eyes are prettier. I promise.”

And then Harry wets his lips with his tongue, and focuses his eyes on Louis’ mouth, and when he starts to lean in just ever so slightly, Louis is beyond gone. But before Harry is completely pressed against Louis, he stops, leaving a space so small between them that if Louis allowed himself to breathe he would be up against Harry.

“Lou…can I? Can I kiss you?”

_I have died and gone to heaven. Tell Harry’s family I love them. Tell the lads to take care of Muffin. Tell Lottie she’s a shit. The prettiest boy in the entire universe has just asked me to kiss him, let them know I have died happy._

It takes Louis a moment to realize that he is, in fact, very much alive, and there’s a very pretty boy still waiting for his answer.

“Ye…yes. Yes!”

The thing is, is that Harry doesn’t just move in slowly and delicately. No. When he hears Louis say yes, his eyes focus like a lion, his lips quirk into this cocky side smile, and Louis suddenly can’t tell if he’s partner or prey. And then Harry moves in, slowly, tauntingly, making the .0002mm space between them feel like miles and miles apart. Louis can hardly wait. And then, Harry doesn’t just press his lips on him. No. He starts off light, almost as if the brush of his lips were done by a ghost, barely there. And then he presses in harder, hungrier, pulling Louis apart with each move of his mouth.

Louis’ whole body is numb. He can’t feel anything except for Harry on him, and it’s everything and more. The friction between them is making their bodies feel like hot lava as they rub against one another. Harry’s right-hand wraps around to hold Louis’ head, Louis’ hands close around Harry’s thighs. It’s beyond anything Louis could have imagined. He’s kissed a few boys before, but this…this was not a kiss. This was something unearthly. Harry must be a god, and that’s why everything feels so insanely unreal.

“Lou…I’m not going to be able to stop myself if we keep this up.”

Harry breathes it out shaky and slow, and Louis thanks someone up above for allowing this obscene creature into his life. Slowly, Louis’ mind returns, and he pulls his hands back and fixes his hair. Harry wrecked him this much with just a kiss, he can’t even begin to imagine what the hell it’s going to be like to do anything more.

“That’s okay. I don’t think I can handle it yet.”

And Harry laughs, loudly, and the world just seems to fall back in place.

* * * *

Louis stays for dinner, and to help clean up afterward, but then informs everyone he has to go home. Anne gives him a disappointed look, but Harry understands and kisses him goodbye. When Louis gets into the cab he’s called, and it starts taking him back, he thinks of how soon enough, he and Harry will be going home together. Soon enough, he and Harry will be having Anne and Gemma over for dinner. Soon enough, he and Harry won’t have to know what it feels like to be apart. And all those thoughts make the ride home seem not so bad after all.


	2. Chapter 2

_May 6 th_

“Louis, you have no idea how happy you should be that you are not taking classes right now. I’m about ready to off myself.”

“Barb…I am still jealous.”

It’s Thursday, and Louis is talking on the phone with Barbara as he’s walking home from the bakery. All the ladies had been talking about today was how excited they were for Harry to come back, that business has slowed since he’s been gone. Louis tried hard, but he couldn’t help from admitting how he desperately wants to see Harry back, too. He missed out on Harry’s crazy baking creations, and he’s certainly ready to try these infamous treats.

“Well, have you thought at all about what you want to do for next semester? If you’re coming back or not?”

“I am definitely going back in the Fall. I just have to figure out what I’m majoring in.”

“Harry will be continuing in the Fall too, right? You guys can be studying together, and shit!”

“You’re weird. And yes, he has two more years of his schooling.”

“Am not! And speaking of Harry…. are you doing anything for when he comes back?”

“Well, he goes to physical therapy every day, to work on different parts of his body, so it’s going to be a while. But he said he’s getting annoyed with his sis and Mum being up his arse all day long, so he’s trying to see if they’re willing to compromise.”

“Someone will have to carry him up those stairs.”

“I’m sure me and the lads could do it.”

“You just want him home to cuddle.”

“Obviously. But hey, I’m back at the flat so let me call you back later.”

“Right, bye!”

“Bye.”

Climbing up the stairs, Louis unlocks the doors and heads inside. Today the lads aren’t here, and while there’s a small bit that’s sad about that, Louis is mostly happy to have the place to himself. He starts out by getting Muffin her food, which she graciously accepts, and then he looks in the fridge for something for himself.

“I guess it’s just cereal and milk for daddy tonight.”

Muffin meows back in between her nibbling, and Louis shakes his head. Then he plops down on the couch to catch up on some needed rest and TV.

_Bzzz. Bzzz. Bzzz._

While he’s still getting adjusted, Louis looks over at his phone on the cushion, to find that he has a text from Harry.

**How was work today, babe?**

This causes a faint smile to pull at his lips.

**_Tiring! The ladies can’t stop talking about you!_ **

**Hopefully good things... ;)**

**_They haven’t pinched me bum as much since you woke up._ **

**Maybe they don’t want me to know they’ve been cheating**

**_How’ll they handle it when we’re both there?_ **

**We’re doomed**

**_Too bad we’ve only just made out. I’m gonna die a virgin._ **

**Ur a virgin?**

Sex was always a big debate for people. Many, like Louis’ family, felt that sex was something you waited to have with your partner. Louis wasn’t sure if he wholeheartedly believed in that. When he was younger, he had been fooling around, but part of him didn’t have sex because there wasn’t anyone worth having it with at the time, anyways. On the other hand, there are people that are the complete opposite, where they believe you need to experience and do as much as you can before you are tied down forever. Louis didn’t really mean to open this can of worms, but now he’s worried and curious what side of the argument Harry lies on.

**_Yeah. Are you?_ **

**In some areas. ;)**

Louis chokes on his spit while thinking,  _cheeky little minx._

**_Do you mind telling me those areas? :)_ **

**Do u really want to know?**

**_Yes._ **

**I have never rimmed, or been rimmed. I have never fingered, but I’ve been fingered. And I have never bottomed, but I’ve topped.**

_Holy fucking shit. HOLY FUCKING SHIT._ Louis is trying very, no, extremely hard not to think about Harry. Louis is trying extremely hard not to think about Harry on all fours. Louis is trying extremely hard not to think about licking between Harry’s thighs. Louis is trying extremely hard not to think about fucking senselessly into Harry until he can’t walk for days. Louis is trying everything he can, but no. It is impossible to not think about Harry in compromising positions and making provocative sounds.

**_Wow._ **

**Are u mad?**

**_I am doing everything in my willpower not to come over. Of course, I’m not mad._ **

**Haha. If u were to come over, what would u do to me?**

Louis thinks Harry’s life mission is to give him cardiac arrest.

**_Do you really want to know?_ **

**Yes.**

And really, Louis wants to tell him. He wants to tell him how he’d push him into the bed, and start by sucking him off slowly, and then he’d speed up and do a lot of other things until he could hear Harry moaning his name, but he won’t. He can’t. Not yet at least.

**_How about I tell you after we go over our greens, yellows, and reds?_ **

**I suppose :’(**

Like with everything, Louis didn’t really want to wait either, but they did need to go over those. Before Louis tries entering further into the sexual realm with Harry, he needs to know what they are both comfortable and okay with. It’s just best for both of them if they wait to dabble further, until they have the conversation.

* * * *

_May 20 th_

It takes two weeks of begging for Anne to finally agree to let Harry come home. And Louis is a nervous wreck. While Harry had been hinting he didn’t want to be there from the moment he was, Louis never thought he’d actually bother his Mum enough to get her to agree. Even Gemma didn’t want him to be in the flat, and Louis knows from experience that it’s harder to win an argument against a woman, much less multiple.

So when Harry texted Louis that she finally said ‘yes,’ Louis just about shit himself. And then, once he gathered his thoughts again, he texted all the lads to come over ASAP. Which thanks to their conveniently close living locations, they made it over in under two minutes. Niall was the first to walk in with Zayn and Liam trailing behind, and call out to Louis with a worried expression.

“What’s wrong, mate?”

“Okay lads. This is big news. So…Harry is finally coming back home.”

They all cheer, and Liam kisses Zayn on the cheek, but then they stop once they realize Louis isn’t joining them in on the celebration. Now Zayn speaks out curiously.

“Why are you not happy about this?”

“I am! But also more nervous than I know I ought to be.”

“Awww, boo. Everything is going to be okay. It will be weird at first, for sure, but you guys will get used to it.”

“Yeah, I know. I know. I don’t know why or what’s worrying me so much.”

Liam interjects this time, with a more positive topic.

“Are you going to throw a party for him coming back?”

“Do you all think I should?”

Niall and Zayn look at Liam to answer the question because apparently, Liam should finish what he started.

“I know I said a party, but maybe not a party. We could do like a dinner or something? Something more relaxed, I’m sure he still gets really tired and easily exhausted.”

“Okay, well he’s coming home tomorrow. Will you guys help me plan this shit?”

Like the good best-friends they are, they start making a few calls and lists. Niall offers to head down to Tesco to buy the food, while Zayn and Liam start inviting various friends and family. Louis on the other hand, starts cleaning up the apartment so that it will look nice for everyone, but mostly for Harry. Muffin helps out too, by sleeping on Harry’s bed, which has definitely become her favorite spot. Louis can’t blame her, it’s his too.

* * * *

Cleaning the apartment did not take hours and hours that Louis had initially worried it would. However, making the food for the party was another issue. They decided to start making the food eight hours before everyone came, so Niall began making random side dishes and setting up snacks, as Louis tried preparing and making the chicken. There’s a very serious chance Louis is going to have to order Chinese tonight, and he isn’t sure if his wallet can afford to make up for his cooking mistakes.

“Niall, what the hell is that?”

Zayn snaps at Niall as he and Liam walk into the flat bearing desserts from the bakery Louis and Harry work at.

“This? This is a dish me Mum used to make all the time! It’s delicious.”

“I hate to break it to you, Nialler, but it looks gross as hell.”

Niall starts laughing loudly as Zayn and Liam drop their bags off on the counters.

“Don’t be such a cunt! It’s good, you’ll see.”

Zayn is about to respond when all of their attention is distracted by Muffin, who paws over towards them and hops up on the kitchen table. Louis bends down slightly to kiss her on her nose, and whisper into her furry face.

“Harry is going to be so excited to meet you, my little princess.”

Liam comes over to pet Muffin along with Louis, as Niall speaks out to him.

“Louis, you’re totally becoming a cat lady!”

“If you’re suggesting I like spending more time with Muffin than I do with you dum dums, then yes, I suppose I am.”

“You know Harry is going to steal her, and make her love him more, right? He does that with everything! My dog back at home, Harry came with me once and my dog was all over him like I’ve never seen before. Freaking unbelievable.”

“I’m not worried. I hope he gets to bond with her, that would actually make me really happy.”

All the boys look at Louis with sympathetic eyes. He didn’t mean to say something that would make them feel bad for him, he meant it in a very general way. If Harry and Muffin get along, that would just make everything that has happened thus far, feel like it’s all in the past. Louis wants to leave it all behind, and it starts with Harry moving in and them becoming a family. A little one for now.

Eventually, they all stop looking at Louis with their sad puppy eyes, and turn back to get everything set up. Zayn decides to sit on the couch, while he informs Liam what he needs to be taking care of, and Niall finishes making all the food in whatever way he thinks is apparently best. Louis just relaxes while he sets out plates and cups, enjoying the fact that they are always here to help him out when he needs it.

* * * *

“Lou, I am so excited to be coming home. I’ve missed my bed, I’ve missed my space. I can’t wait to be there!”

Harry is on the phone with Louis, apparently wanting to talk despite being less than five minutes away. Everyone is already hiding behind some pieces of furniture, and the lights are dimmed to create more shadows in the room.

“Really? That’s all you’ve missed?”

“You of course, love. That’s a given.”

“Better be! How much further, Curly?”

“We are parking now!”

“Okay, I’ll head down.”

Louis hangs up his phone and turns around to the crowd of people within the room.

“I am going to help him get up the stairs, you should all be able to hear us once we’re in the stairwell, but if not, I’ll knock on the door. Stay hidden!”

“Louis, just go !”

“Niall, remind me to slap you when I get back!”

At that, and a few chuckles from the audience, Louis turns around and runs down the stairs. Once he gets outside, he sees Harry with his typical overwhelmingly bright smile that pierces Louis’ heart like fireworks, every time, and Anne and Gemma who are grabbing some bags. Louis gives them a wink as they run up the stairs ahead of the two boys, knowing full well there is a “party” just a few feet ahead. Louis tries to keep Harry back, so that it’s just them two walking in together, so he decides to have a conversation.

“Does this feel weird? To be here, but like, I’m here now too?”

“Honestly, yeah. But in a really good way. I’m so happy to have you and Muffin living with me, and that I don’t have to be alone anymore.”

“I know how you feel. It’s going to be nice to have you with me every night.”

“I can’t wait till later, darling.”

And Harry bites his lip and focuses his eyes in such a manner that Louis can hardly contain the quickly forming bulge in his pants.

“Let’s get you upstairs before you start wooing me, I don’t want anyone else getting to see you make that face but me.”

Harry quickly stops biting, but then slowly licks his bottom lip before changing his expression, and that honestly doesn’t make things any better. So Louis tries his best to distract himself with helping Harry up the stairs, supporting his body as much as he can while Harry also uses a crutch to support under his other arm.

“Okay, love, I’ve got it from here. Just get the door.”

And Louis couldn’t have had this work out any better. So he runs up to the door, knocks it two times while Harry clambers over with his crutch, and then twists the knob open. When he pushes the door, and lets Harry walk inside first, it takes all of Louis to keep from yelling out before everyone else. But it doesn’t take long, the minute Harry’s body is fully in the room, everyone pops up as the lights turn on, and yells “surprise!” What’s even better, is that when Louis tilts his head to watch Harry’s reaction, he sees the tears fall instantly on his face, and his smile arranges itself in the most blissful way, and Louis knows he’s done well.

“Lou! Did you…did you do this?”

“I can’t take all the credit, the lads helped out a ton as well!”

The minute Louis mentions them, Zayn, Liam, and Niall walk over and all give Harry hugs. After they back away, Anne and Gemma come back over a little teary, and then help Harry back into his wheelchair.

“Lou, I don’t know how you did it, but this came out so well! You should be so happy!”

“Anne, I just am happy that Harry is now with me. I’ve been waiting for this for forever.”

“Yeah, I know. I just needed to make sure he was okay. But I know he’s in good hands with you.”

“I promise to take care of him and protect him with everything I’ve got.”

“You better! If you ever hurt him, it’ll be your head!”

He laughs at her sarcastic threat, but Louis understands that there’s enough seriousness in her tone to know she really means that. After she pats him on the shoulder, she walks away with Harry, towards some of their family members that were able to make it on such short notice, and so Louis scampers over to Barbara, as she’s pouring herself a drink.

“Louis, you’re finally coming to show me some love!”

She hands him a cup of whatever mixed drink Zayn made earlier, as Louis chuckles at her.

“Sorry, had to be the good host I am.”

“It’s okay. Niall came over to talk to me, he just went off to go eat.”

“Niall is such a social butterfly.”

“He really is. Anyways, Harry’s home now! Are you shitting bricks yet?”

“You have no idea. First off, when I was helping him up the stairs, I realized just how tall he is. Holy fucking hell. And his big fucking hands, and his big fucking feet. The whole time he was lying in the bed I never thought about how tall he might be, but I did not know he was a giant!”

“You’re an idiot.”

“True. But it did make me nervous, like I’m going to find out everything about him now. How he likes to brush his teeth, if he snores, how he takes his tea. It’s overwhelming to me right now, like once these people are all gone, it’s just going to be us two.”

“I think you’re going to find that it will happen better than you’re expecting. And besides, you being his Dom and all means that you can tell him how you want to go about certain things.”

The instant that ‘Dom’ comes out of Barbara’s mouth, Louis remembers what side of the spectrum he stands on, and starts to feel sick.

“I don’t want to think about that.”

“About being a Dom? Why?”

“I’m never going to tell Harry what to do. He’s his own person. He can live and do how he wants.”

“Louis…”

“Look, I love you Barb, and I don’t want to get into this right now. So I’m gonna go say ‘hi’ to Harry’s grandparents before this turns into something I don’t want it to.”

She nods her head, and Louis feels upset for having to cut her off, but it’s true. Their conversation was about to go down a road Louis did not want to travel.  _If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say it at all._ So yeah, he chose not to say it at all.


	3. Chapter 3

“They are all finally gone!”

“I know, I have been trying very hard not to fall asleep in the middle of talking with people.”

Harry is sitting in his wheelchair, positioned in the living room while Louis throws away the last of the garbage.

“I’m so sorry! You shouldn’t have stayed up this late! We can go to bed now, I’m beyond exhausted too.”

“Sounds perfect.”

“Oh, and I never got the chance to introduce you to someone.”

As Louis opens the door for Harry to get into the bedroom, a certain little kitty jumps out and meows. When Harry looks at her, he looks like he’s just won the best prize in the world.

“Muffin! Oh our little pretty kitty, I have been dying to meet you!”

Muffin starts walking towards Harry, and rubs the length of her sides along his shins. After going back and forth a few times, she rubs her face into his legs, and then jumps up into his lap. Louis isn’t surprised that she’s taken an instant liking to Harry, who could honestly resist him?

Harry pets behind her ears as Louis bends down to start petting her too.

“Muffin, now both your daddy’s are home.”

And as the words lie in the space between their bodies, Harry looks up into Louis’ eyes, as Louis looks back into Harry’s. It only takes another moment before they both lean in and kiss, melting all their nerves and tension away. It doesn’t last long, thanks to Muffin nuzzling into Harry to distract him, but it was exactly what Louis needed.

“Harry, do you want help getting ready for bed?”

“No, it’s okay. I can stand for really short periods of time right now. Enough to do what I need to do, and then sit back down again.”

“Okay, I’ll let you use the bathroom first while I change out of these clothes.”

So Louis attempts to remain calm as he pulls his clothes off, and slides into bed, nervously anticipating the heavyweight of Harry gliding in next to him.

“Lou, how did you know which side of the bed I sleep on?”

Harry shuffles his body under the sheets, and turns his body to face towards Louis.

“Truthfully, this is the side I take. If you didn’t like it, you were going to have to deal.”

“You know, you’re just like Muffin.”

“Excuse me?”

Harry giggles in a way that has Louis forgetting he’s actually the older one.

“You’re so fierce, but you’re still a little kitten.”

“If you weren’t still recovering I’d hit you.”

“If I weren’t still recovering, I’d do more than just kiss you.”

And well that took quite a turn.

“You can’t work me up now.”

“Why is that?”

“We still haven’t talked about our greens, yellows, and reds.”

“I guess you’re right. Can we talk about them tomorrow?”

The last thing Louis wants to do is talk about them, to establish the lines that he’s a Dom and Harry’s a Sub. It’s nice the way it is now, them just being Louis and Harry. No rules. No orders. But that’s not the way the world works.

“Sure. We can talk about them tomorrow.”

Harry’s smile stretches as Louis’ fades, but they kiss one more time before Louis wraps his arms around Harry, and pulls them closer together. For now, Louis forgets about all that is itching in the back of his mind. For now, he focuses on the feel of someone’s smooth skin pressing up against his. For now, he focuses on the sound of someone’s steady breathing that releases light puffs of air into Louis’ chest. For now, he focuses on Harry, and the thumping of his heart, as it resides dangerously close to Louis. For now, Louis tries to not lose himself just yet, in the wondrous little things that make up Harry Styles. For now, Louis tries to just be, and somehow it’s a lot more difficult than he’d like.

* * * *

“Lou!! Good morning! I didn’t have much food so I ordered us breakfast. I got bagels, muffins, and croissants. I wasn’t sure what you liked.”

Louis steps from the bedroom and into the living room where Harry has an assortment of food displayed out on the table while watching TV.

“You’re incredible.”

The comment flies freely, and Harry reacts with a grin that makes his dimple grow deeper. It’s for sure Louis’ favorite part on Harry’s body.

“Well hurry up, love, or else I’ll share all my treats with Muffin.”

“You wouldn’t!”

“I would.”

And without another moment, Louis rushes over to the couch and jumps into Harry, tickling him and biting into his chocolate chip muffin.

“Hey, that’s mine!”

“And it’s delicious.”

Muffin waltzes over and jumps up on the couch, settling in the small space between Harry and Louis, and so Harry starts petting her as Louis reaches for a croissant.

“Do you want to talk about them now?”

No. Louis does not want to talk about them. And maybe it shows on his face because Harry suddenly looks worried that he’s hit a sore subject. And it isn’t. It’s a conversation everyone needs to have with their partner, it just is sore for Louis. But he sighs and smiles, to let Harry know that it’s okay, and then he nods his head.

“Yeah, okay we can talk about it now. Do you want to go first?”

“Sure. Do you want me to make a chart by the way? I can like, write it all down as a reminder?”

“No, I don’t think our lists will be long enough to have to need a reminder.”

“Okay. Well, my greens are hair touching, consensual sex, oral, anal, rimming, fingering, light bondage, spanking, and I like cuddling, a lot. My yellows are daddy kink, anal beads, and shaving. And I know everyone interprets yellow a little differently, so I just want to say that these are things that I am not 100% opposed to, but I’m also not exactly that thrilled with either. And my reds are breath play, being called ‘boy,’ or something to that effect, nonconsensual sex, and more BDSM type stuff. I know there’s a lot of other things, but when we come across those we can just deal with it then.”

“You have a lot more sexual things than I thought you would.”

“I feel like as a Sub, it’s important to establish those the most.”

And Louis instantly thinks of his Mum, of her being shoved around, of her being ordered what to do. He will never be like his Father, he will never treat Harry the same way.

“Right, well I don’t really have anything. I mean, I want you to know that you don’t have to ask me to do anything before you do it. Just think of this as just us, us being Harry and Louis. I don’t want this to feel like a Dom/Sub relationship. I mean it is…but I want it to be open, and normal.”

“You don’t have like, anything you want to say?”

“I mean as you said, when we come across stuff, we can deal with it then.”

“Erm, okay.”

Harry’s not satisfied with that as an answer, and honestly, Louis doesn’t blame him. But Louis is trying everything that he can to not establish boundaries. With the awkwardness between them, Louis finds it’s time for a subject change.

“Do you have any plans for today?”

“No, I’m just going to be lounging around here. You?”

“Same. You want to watch a movie?”

“Yes, please.”

Maybe Louis can just dodge it for now, but at some point, the issues are going to catch up with him, and he’s going to have to address it one way or another.

* * * *

_May 24 th_

Niall stops over while Zayn and Liam decide to take Harry out for the day. Louis is drinking tea on the couch, while Niall sits in the chair that Zayn typically occupies.

“So how has everything been going with Harry being home?”

“It’s good. I don’t know. I know he’s not like super happy with me right now, and I don’t know what to do about it.”

“How do you know?”

“I just feel it. He looks at me a certain way, and I feel it in this part of me, and I know exactly what he’s going through.”

“Well, did you ask him what’s bothering him?”

“It’s me. I…We were talking about our colors the other day, and I don’t know. I just don’t want to talk about it. I don’t want to be his Dom, I just want to be Louis.”

“What’s wrong with being his Dom?”

“If I see myself that way, then I have this power over him.”

“Louis…I hope you’re not thinking that you’re your dad. I mean we haven’t talked all that much about it, but I can assure you, you are not like that man at all.”

“But I could become that way… power hungry.”

Niall starts shaking his head, and Louis knows that he sounds a bit ridiculous, but then he also knows the face his mother makes every time she’s being told what to do, and for that, he can’t let go.

“That’s not going to happen.”

“It could. And then Harry will hate me, and I can’t stomach that thought for even a second without wanting to throw up.”

“All I know is, is the more you avoid it, the more Harry is going to notice. And if you don’t just tell him what’s bothering you about it, he’s probably going to think it’s something to do with him.”

“But it’s not!”

“Well, how is he supposed to know that?”

And okay, that’s a fair point, and Louis always gives credit where credit is due. So he surrenders for the time being, but it’s not over. Louis will figure it out, a way to make Harry happy without having to go over anything.

“Louis, please tell me that you’re not still thinking about it.”

“I’m not!”

“Okay good. Now get your lazy ass dressed, we’re going to get food.”

“We literally just ate an hour ago.”

“And it’s been an hour too long. I’m starving.”

“You’re a monster.”

“Who gets more irritated the hungrier he gets.”

“Alright fine, but I’m not paying.”

“You never do.”

“True.”

So Louis changes his clothes, and leaves with Niall to go get food, and forget about the lingering issues that won’t fully dissipate with time.


	4. Chapter 4

_May 25 th_

“Okay, love. Have a good day at the bakery!”

“Thanks! I will, and I’ll tell the ladies that you say hi!”

Louis shuts the door behind him, leaving Harry alone for another two hours until Anne and Gemma come to sweep him away. He has physical therapy today, and then afterward they are going shopping. Louis desperately wanted to go with them since he hasn’t had much time with the girls since Harry has been awake, but unfortunately, he has work today, and so there’s nothing he can do.

But the bakery isn’t so bad, other than making a couple of dozen pastries, and serving a handful of people, there’s not much else to take care of. The ladies spend their time gossiping to another, while Louis cleans down countertops, and sweeps up the floors. It’s most definitely the easiest couple of hours that pass by.

When Louis makes it back home, he enters into his unit to find that all the lads and Harry are hanging out. Niall and Liam are in a game of FIFA, while Zayn admires, and Harry laughs. Louis finds his heart flutter just a little bit when he catches sight of Harry’s eyes, he’s sure he’s never going to get over just how beautiful of a human being the older boy is.

“Lou! You’re home! Come join us, love!”

“I’ll be right there! Let me just change out of my clothes. Did you feed Muffin?”

“Yes I did, she’s lying on the bed.”

Louis heads into the bedroom and finds that Muffin is indeed, lying in a ball in the center of the sheets. Reaching out his hand, Louis begins to gently scratch her head and her neck, as she stretches her limbs.

“You’re such a good kitty. Daddy loves you so much.”

“I think we can’t both be called Daddy.”

Louis shoots up in embarrassment as the low raspy voice fills the room. Harry starts to chuckle at Louis’ sudden jolt.

“What do you mean?”

“If you’re Daddy, and I’m Daddy, how is she going to know the difference?”

“Are you seriously suggesting that Muffin is going to have trouble because we both are calling ourselves the same thing?”

“I’m just suggesting we could come up with something more original!”

“And I’m just suggesting that she’s a cat, and therefore this argument is pointless.”

Harry starts laughing as he walks past Louis to sit on the bed, but Louis doesn’t find it funny anymore. He’s truly gotten a bit worked up over this.

“Why are you laughing?”

“Because you’re awfully cute when you’re mad.”

And okay, that does it. Now he’s pissed. Louis starts to turn away from Harry and through the bedroom door, but Harry quickly stands up and shuts it behind him, locking Louis in.

“Let me out, you big ogre!”

Somehow, this only produces more laughter from Harry, and Louis is fuming.

“Why are you so mad, darling? I don’t mean to upset you?”

“Because you’re patronizing me!”

“Here, let’s sit on the bed again, because I can’t stand much longer.”

The boys sit back down on the bed and Louis knows that he’s overreacting. That there isn’t anything to be so worked up over. But he waits quietly, until Harry’s body slumps and he exhales before speaking again.

“I’m sorry, Louis. Should I mark that you don’t like to be called cute as a red?”

Harry was being serious, he meant the words that had shakily left his mouth and sent chills down Louis’ spine. No. No, he doesn’t want to tell Harry to do or not to do anything.

“No, that’s okay.”

“But you clearly didn’t like it.”

Louis can feel Harry’s gaze on him, burning into the side of his head, but he remains looking at his fingers as they fidget in his lap.

“I don’t want to ever tell you what you can and cannot do, Harry. I know I’m a Dom, but it’s not in my nature.”

“Not in your nature? Louis, if it wasn’t in your nature you’d be a Sub. They do a ton of tests to identify which side we are on. You were not picked randomly for that.”

“Well, I don’t want to be a Dom.”

Now Louis is looking at Harry, and it’s startling because Harry appears hurt and Louis can feel it. He feels Harry being hurt within him somewhere deep down, but for once, he doesn’t understand why. But then Harry notices Louis is watching him, and so he adjusts his posture and paints on a fragile smile, before standing up.

“Maybe we should just talk about this some other time. The lads are still here.”

Louis shouldn’t have let him leave the room. Louis shouldn’t have let him walk back towards their friends. Louis shouldn’t have let him walk away, but Louis did nothing as Harry’s hand reached for the doorknob, and exited the vicinity. And Louis continued to do nothing as he lied down on the bed and curled up to Muffin. With the echoes of his friends’ laughter sounding through the room, Louis wonders why he can’t just be like Zayn. Why can’t he just take his role and do what needs to be done? Why is it bothering him so much? Why does he fear becoming his Father so immensely? Louis lets the questions thrash around his head, as he closes his eyes and pretends to sleep. But even a couple hours later when Harry’s body finds its way distantly next to him in bed, and Harry’s breathing steadies to a rhythmic sound, Louis still can’t find himself dozing off.

* * * *

The next morning when Louis finally surrenders his attempt at sleeping, the sun hasn’t even risen yet. He shuts the door quietly behind himself and heads towards the kitchen to start making tea. As the sky blends into mixtures of pink and gold, Louis tries to find the answers to the questions that keep prodding at his brain.

It’s not like Louis always hated the idea of being a Dom. When he received his letter stating his status, he was quite shocked at first because he had never seen himself that way, but he wasn’t scared. And when he did his year of schooling, the idea began to ease with him more than rattle him. It took a while, but eventually, Louis being a Dom seemed like a good thing. And true, Louis has never really liked his Father, and he’s always hated the way his mother would be treated, but he never feared himself turning into that monster. He always knew he’d never be like him.

So what changed? Well, obviously when Louis was partnered to Harry. Because when Louis thought of himself as a Dom, he saw himself paired with a Sub who he cared for, but probably would never love in that way. Love didn’t really exist in Louis’ realm. He’d never seen it firsthand, and if he couldn’t see it, see proof of it, then it didn’t exist. But then here comes Harry, and even when he was in a coma, Louis started to feel a certain way towards him. And then, then his beautiful eyes opened up and it was like Louis’ entire world had just been altered. There was suddenly all this hope that Louis had never felt before, and there were all these feelings that flooded into Louis’ system for no explainable reason.

Louis loves Harry. It’s so strong, so sure, despite there being such little time. Everything the older boy does just takes over Louis that much more. His dimples, his laugh, the way his eyes bug out a little when he’s surprised, the way his hair curls perfectly around his head, and how soft it feels within Louis’ hand. Louis fell in love, instantly, and now there’s everything to fear.

Because now, Louis is too scared to hurt Harry’s feelings, he’s too scared to tell Harry what to do in fear of pushing him too far. He’s scared of Harry hating Louis the way Louis’ Mum hates his Father, and there’s one reason for that. Because his Father demands too much, and so Louis is better off not demanding anything at all. Even though Harry wants him to so bad. He can see it in his eyes, he’s waiting for Louis to take the reins, but Louis can’t. So instead, he lets them stay safely on the ground.

“Mornin.”

He didn’t hear Harry wake up, Louis was consumed in his own thoughts he forgot where he even was for a minute. He checks the time, only twenty minutes have passed since the time Louis shuffled out of bed himself.

“You’re up early.”

“Could say the same to you.”

And Harry could, but Louis didn’t sleep at all, so it’s a bit different.

“Louis, Lou, I’m…I’m sorry about last night. But I’m trying here, I’m trying to understand what you want from me, and you’re not giving me anything. I don’t want to upset you like that again, but you’re not giving me any sort of direction to work with.”

“Harry you’re allowed to be with upset me. You’re allowed to say whatever you want. I don’t want to dictate your life.”

“But I need you to, to some extent. You telling me what not to say, or things that you want me to do, is not going to dictate my life. I’m still Harry. I’ll still be doing everything I do, but I’ll have a clearer idea of what I’m supposed to do for you.”

The worst part about this conversation, is that Louis can hear Harry’s words, and feel them tenfold within himself. And it hurts that he’s hurting Harry. Because he is, he can feel that so powerfully. But what can he do? Louis does not want to push Harry away. Louis can’t afford to not have Harry in his life, or have him hate him. And if he takes on the role that he’s supposed to, he fears that’s the road they’ll head down.

“Harry, I just can’t. But I…I love you. And you don’t understand just how much, but I do. And I don’t want to upset you, and it’s hurting me to see you hurt. I’m not trying to, I promise I’m trying to be good to you.”

Harry appears a bit calmer now, registering what Louis says, specifically, those three words.

“Lou, I love you too. But that’s why it hurts so much, because I love you, and it feels like you don’t want me or need me.”

Jumping up, Louis runs over to Harry sitting on the kitchen counter and kisses him. Harry doesn’t respond at first, so Louis wraps his arms around his waist and starts rubbing his back, and when Harry feels that, he finally kisses Louis back. It’s a desperate kiss on Louis’ part, trying to prove to Harry something Harry won’t understand, but he’s hoping even a small part will be conveyed through his actions.

“Harry, you are the most wonderful human being in the entire world, and I don’t know how I got so lucky to have you in my life. I want you, and need you so much it’s scary. So please, don’t ever think that.”

As Louis looks pleadingly into Harry’s eyes, Harry nods and then leans down to kiss him on his forehead. When the moment passes, Harry glides over to the couch while Louis makes himself another cuppa and Harry one too, before cuddling together while watching TV. Louis hopes this is the start of better things to come. Louis hopes this is where things will finally start to fall into place. But Louis doesn’t see the way Harry’s eyes occasionally glance over at him, looking at him with a certain kind of sadness that can’t be defined. It screams that he’s still hurt. It screams that he still wants more. It screams that he still feels unwanted by Louis, and Louis misses it all. And maybe that’s exactly why things don’t suddenly get better for them.

* * * *

_May 28th_

“Louis! Heading back from the bakery now?”

“Hi, Anne! Yes, as a matter of fact, I am. Actually had a busy day in there today, and the ladies kept saying they can’t wait till Harry comes back to help out.”

Louis is walking on the sidewalks, heading the fifteen minutes towards home.

“That’s wonderful! I know he will be happy once he can start working back there. How are you two doing?”

“We’re good! Still feeling each other out, you know? But I’m so happy to have him with me now.”

“That’s great, yeah, he says he’s been really happy being back with you and the boys.”

Louis is turning a corner around a building, and about to respond to Anne when he bumps hard into another person. He looks up to apologize profusely when he catches sight of blonde hair and familiar blue eyes. Lottie.

“Anne? I’m gonna have to call you back.”

He doesn’t wait for her to say good-bye, and at this moment in time, can’t process being worried about that. His sister is still in front of him…Lottie, is still staring at him.

“Hi, Louis.”

“Lottie.”

The air is awkward enough to strangle Louis, but he tries to pretend like the tension isn’t tremendous between them. She seems just as uncomfortable, so Louis tries to break the ice.

“Do you want to get tea? There’s a really good place just a few shops down.”

“Sure.”

And wow, this is huge. This is bigger than huge. Louis hasn’t seen his sister in months, and he had so many things he wanted to say to her, yet looking at her now, he can’t think of a single one. Funny that.

They walk into the shop and Louis decides to order for both of them while Lottie finds a seat. Once the drinks are made, Louis heads over to her anxiously, hands shaking so much he’s quite nervous that he will spill the contents before getting to drink them. And when he sits down in front of her, pushing the cup into her direction, he notices she seems to be feeling the same way.

“So, Lottie. How’s everything been?”

Her eyes cast towards the other bodies within the room, except for Louis’. But he can’t blame her, he’s having a hard enough time as well trying to look at her, much less directly in her eyes. It’s painful. It brings back all the words that she said like an army, trudging and stomping over Louis’ heart. It reignites everything he had been feeling months ago and had learned to push aside. But they were never forgotten, and sometimes in the middle of the night, he’d remember that he’s still in pain.

“You know how it’s been. Not much has changed other than that it’s been a lot quieter without you.”

Not much has changed. Not much has changed. Not much has changed. Louis has been gone for months and it hasn’t affected anything other than the noise level in the house? Well, that just made him feel like absolute shit.

“Glad to know that’s all I was to you, was a noise maker.”

“Louis, that’s not what I meant.”

“But you just said nothing’s changed. I’ve been gone for months and nothing’s changed?”

“What? You want me to tell you that Mum is losing sleep over it? Because she is, she can’t sleep at all anymore. And you want me to tell you that our Dad has been treating her even worse since you left? Because he has, and it’s abusive. Do you want me to tell you that I’ve been feeling like shit ever since that day that I told you all that stuff? Because I do! But I’m not taking back what I said, I’m only taking back how I said it. You didn’t look out for anyone when you left, you were only concerned about yourself and now look what’s happened? Everything’s gone to shit. Are you happy now, Louis? Did you get everything you want and more with the boy who’s in a coma?”

Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Every single word, every single syllable, every single letter, just stabbing into Louis’ heart like a rusty, jagged, razor blade.

“You know, you didn’t even give me a chance. No one wanted to hear my side of it. No one wanted to hear why I was making the decision I was. Instead, I was thrown out, exiled, not even one person gave me a chance to explain myself.”

“You weren’t thinking properly, why would I stand by to listen to what you had to say?”

“When did you become like this? When did you start thinking like the very person you always said you never would?”

Lottie’s eyes widen in disbelief. But Louis doesn’t dare take back what he said. He doesn’t want to, it’s true. She’s never been like this, and suddenly something has changed and he doesn’t know why or what.

“Louis, a word of advice…stop thinking about yourself for one bloody moment and look at the big picture. Maybe then, you’ll see where I’m coming from.”

She stands up abruptly and Louis is sure she is going to take her untouched drink and pour it on his head, thankfully though, she doesn’t. But it still is heart-wrenching to watch her walk away. This is not how Louis thought this day was going to go, and right now, he’s ready for it to end.

Louis looks down at his phone which starts vibrating, to see he’s getting a call back from Anne. He ignores it. He ignores everything. And instead of going home where he would very much like to lay in bed and hide under the covers, he heads to a park. Because he knows going home would mean that Harry is there, and going home would mean that someone else will have to get involved in Louis’ issues. And Louis hasn’t even begun to process what has happened yet, so there’s no way he’s going to be able to explain any of it. Not yet at least.

So he goes to the park, and he sits on a bench, and he wonders angrily to himself,  _when in the world did life get like this_?


	5. Chapter 5

_June 4 th_

It’s been a week of silence. Louis knows Harry doesn’t deserve the treatment Louis has been giving him, but he can’t help it. He physically and mentally cannot bring himself to say anything to Harry. The first day he got home after the incident, Harry was worried out of his mind, but he tried to respect Louis’ decision in not saying anything. Harry gave him some space. But then two days passed by and Harry was losing his shit. He started screaming, he started pleading, and even though it was killing Louis to see Harry go through so much turmoil over it, Louis still couldn’t do it.

Louis felt broken.

Lottie’s words echoed repeatedly throughout Louis’ head, and he couldn’t suffer through it anymore. It was as if he was still at the shop, and Lottie was metaphorically stabbing him with each word that snaked through her lips. All Louis has been doing is going to work, going home, and going to sleep. Sometimes he eats…sometimes he doesn’t. And Harry is losing his patience.

“Lou? I…I’m going out to get some groceries with Niall. He’s going to drive us down. Do you want me to buy you anything?”

It takes a lot of effort, but Louis shakes his head no. This is the most communication they’ve had, and the awkwardness between them is obscenely apparent.

“Alright. I’ll be back later. Call me if you need me.”

And in that moment, Louis thinks to himself,  _I do need you._ But he’s not going to say that, he’s not going to tell Harry how he actually feels because he’s seemingly forgotten how to manage that function. But he feels it with every single cell in his body, and it’s unfair. And when Louis still can’t find the energy to look up from his lap, and hears the fading footsteps of Harry down the stairs, he lays back down on the bed and cries.

And then something happens that Louis doesn’t foresee. The footsteps grow loud again. They climb up and reach the front door, bursting through the living room and running straight towards Louis. And Louis’ heart is pounding wildly, but he won’t look up from the pillows, he won’t look to see who it is. If it’s a robber, well then this is karma coming around to get him for his sins.

But then the person plops onto Louis and clutches him so tightly within his big hands, and Louis knows who this is. If the feel of the body didn’t give it away, the smell drenching the room and soaking Louis’ mind says it all. Harry. And with Harry all over Louis, holding him, gripping him, crying with him, Louis just lets it all out. He cries, and he cries for a lot longer than he thought was necessary. But Harry stays firmly in place, never moving a muscle as Louis sobs and shakes.

* * * *

“So you saw Lottie?”

“I saw Lottie.”

After crying for hours, Louis couldn’t deny Harry anymore. He had to confide in him. They moved their bodies into the living room so that they could sit on the couch while they tried to eat some form of dinner, as well. Louis doesn’t touch his plate; Harry pretends not to notice.

“I’m not going to act like I can’t tell that you’re upset, so something obviously happened between you two. May I ask you something?”

“Yes, you may.”

“Do you mind telling me what it is that’s upsetting you specifically about it all? I understand you probably don’t want to, but I want to know so that I can understand what you’ve been going through.”

Louis swallows. He knows he should be opening up, he should let Harry in. So he takes a deep breath and he lets it out. He tells Harry about bumping physically into her, and going to the shop, and how very quickly things took a turn for the worse. He tells Harry every letter, and every line, as the poisonous words burn Louis’ throat as they climb out and release from his body. Harry’s face appears shocked, and Louis wonders if that is the same way his face looked when Lottie spoke to him at the shop.

“Wow, Lou…that’s…that’s awful.”

“Yeah.”

“But she’s clearly hurt too, I mean, you have to know she’s hurting also.”

“I think that’s why it’s bothering me so much, because I do know. It’s painful to think that she’s taking on the burdens for everyone. But she didn’t give me a chance to even respond, or…I don’t know. Ugh, this is just really annoying because I obviously am mad at her, but I still love her. I miss my family, but at the same time I’m so furious with them.”

Tears start to trickle from Louis’ eyes again, and Harry wraps his arms around Louis, and pulls him up against his side on the couch. Then Louis adjusts his head so that it’s leaned up against Harry’s shoulder.

“I know you don’t want to now, but I think at some point you’re going to have to talk with her again.”

“I know.”

Louis had a lot of people he needed to talk to, Harry included. Doesn’t mean he wants to actually do it.

* * * *

_June 11 th_

**How is work going, babe?**

The bakery is dead. There is not a soul around because there is a huge festival going on in the town over, and seemingly everyone is there except for Louis and three older women. The ladies thought that today would, in fact, be a great day to be open, but as the silence eerily takes over the street, they start to converse that maybe it’s about time to close up shop. This is the moment that Louis looks down at his phone, to see Harry has texted him.

**_They are closing early. About to leave now, want me to pick up anything?_ **

**I’m good! Miss u xx Muffin and I are cuddling and we could use another person**

**_Is that so?_ **

**Yes! So hurry up! :)**

**_Yes, sir. ;)_ **

This week had gone by, and Louis had steadily regained normal behavior, but Lottie was still a persistent thought within his mind. Harry cuddled him every morning and night, until Louis absolutely had to leave for work or he’d be late, and while it was comforting, it wasn’t helping. Harry was amazing, but he couldn’t do anything to help Louis forget what had happened.

And now on the train heading back home, with the swirling images of his family taking over his view, he decides to do something he probably shouldn’t. He decides to miss his stop. He decides to go a little further to a street he hasn’t been down in months, to a family he’s not sure he even knows anymore. He decides to randomly own up to his feelings, because he can’t physically or mentally handle all the “what ifs,” that gather up inside.

Walking up to his old home is bizarre. It’s familiar and unfamiliar in all the same context, and there’s a huge sweeping feeling of nostalgia as bittersweet memories pour effortlessly into his conscious, but this place no longer feels like anything he knows. It’s easily become a stranger to him, like the people held inside of it, and it’s daunting to Louis to realize this. But he musters up some courage, and knocks on the door anyways, trying to find answers to his longing questions.

“Hello?”

It’s only right that luck would have his Father opening up the door. The one person he really had no intentions of seeing.

“Uhm, hi.”

His Father looks down at him, his eyes for a millisecond of a moment, widen, and then return to their normal gaze as if nothing out of the ordinary has occurred. He looks at Louis, no…through Louis, as if he is not even remotely there.

“What can I do for you?”

And really? Louis is so far down his shit-list that he can’t even acknowledge his own son’s existence?

“I’d like to talk with Lottie or Mum.”

“I apologize young man, but I believe you have the wrong house. Our family has never had a son.”

As if seeing that his Father could hardly look at him was hard enough, now he needed to reiterate just how much he does not give a fuck about Louis. But Louis decides he came here for a reason, so he might as well get something off his chest before he walks away again.

“You know, all you had to do was listen to me. Let me tell you my side of the argument. But instead, you assumed you knew everything and kicked me out. If anyone is to blame for all that has happened, it’s you. You are the source for all the shit that goes on in that house and in that family, and you are the one that needs to be stopped. Since I’ve left, I’ve been able to live my life, however I want to, and it’s been the most incredible feeling. The only thing I regret was not taking everyone else with me when I left.”

And that must have struck a nerve because now Louis’ Father was looking at him, deathly, and it scared Louis to his inner core.

“You made your choice, you acted selfishly. You have no say in what happens with this family anymore, and if you don’t like how it’s being handled, then you only have yourself to blame.”

Without another word, his Father turns around and slams the door in his face. It doesn’t hurt him like it did when Lottie yelled and ran away, but it stings. But a part of Louis is slightly glad, because for once, Louis got to have his say. And he stood up to the one person that he never felt he could, even if it didn’t change anything. It’s still a step.

* * * *

“Wow, that’s really what he said? Babe, why did you go there?”

“I don’t know, I just… I suddenly got the feeling like I was going to burst if I didn’t do something.”

“Do you feel better?”

“No. I still need to talk with Lottie, and until I do, I don’t think this feeling is going to go away.”

Harry and Louis are eating dinner on their couch, while the TV plays silently in the background of their conversation. Muffin is cuddled into a ball on the chair Zayn always sits on, sleeping contently in a ball.

“I agree. I think it’s going to annoy you until you resolve it.”

“Yeah. But anyways…how was your day?”

“It was good. Niall came over earlier, we played some music and just hung out.”

“Oh yeah! Weren’t you in a band?”

“Still am. Niall’s in it with me, he sings and plays guitar, or piano sometimes. I just sing, and then we have another guy on the drums.”

“Are you planning on doing a show once you’re all healed up?”

“Yeah, I’d love to. I honestly love music, I don’t think that’s a part of me that will ever go away, and I used to want to really strive for being a singer, but then I realized that I still needed to have something to fall back on if it didn’t work out.”

“That’s a good idea. I feel like a lot of musicians strive, but when it doesn’t succeed they have nothing left.”

“Pretty much. So Niall and I are going to school still, but also still writing when we have a chance.”

“That’s cool, love.”

“Do you have anything you’re passionate about?”

This question always stumps Louis, because not really. Not anything he feels he is good at, at least.

“I mean, I always liked acting. But I had to be realistic with myself, and I knew that was never going to happen.”

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why did you have to be realistic with yourself?”

“Well…I don’t think I’d get anywhere with it. I don’t think I’m good enough.”

“You could be though. You don’t know anything until you give it a try.”

“I suppose that’s a fair statement. But, I don’t know.”

“You’re still trying to figure out what you’re going to do in the Fall, right?”

“Mhmm.”

“Why not looking into Drama?”

He had to give it Harry, this was a really good idea. Before, his Father never would have let him pursue his own dreams, but maybe he could now?

“Yeah, that’s not a bad idea.”

Harry kisses Louis on the lips quickly, and Louis blushes because he always blushes when Harry is too cute for words. Which is always.

“I love you, Curly.”

“I love you, too, Lou.”


	6. Chapter 6

_June 12 th_

Saturday involved Louis going grocery shopping while Harry and the lads hung back at the flat. This didn’t bother Louis, he didn’t feel left out by any means. Honestly, he needed an excuse to step out, and he took the first and best one he had. He loves everyone, but sometimes it’s hard being around so many people all at once.

After grabbing as much food as Louis could get, and taking his time so that he spent at least an hour away from home, he finally set his feet back on the path to Harry. While Louis needed some time away from everyone, he also didn’t like being away from Harry too long. He felt deprived of Harry, and he needed to get close again to recharge himself with the older boy’s energy.

“I’m back!”

Upon entering the apartment, he was pleased to find everyone except for his sleeping partner had left. So quietly, he unloads all the bags and places everything in its proper place, before waking Harry up on the couch with a tender kiss.

“Lou, you’re back.”

“Hello, sleepyhead. How long ago did everyone leave?”

“Not sure, think I passed out before they left.”

Louis giggled, positioning himself on the couch so that Harry’s head was laying on top of his chest. But then Harry lifted his head up again, and kissed Louis softly. Louis didn’t mean to, but he moaned loudly into Harry’s mouth as Louis felt Harry’s warmth caress him.

“Lou…”

Harry breathed out Louis’ name and suddenly the kiss they had been sharing turned passionate, hungrier. Harry was sucking on Louis’ bottom lip, and Louis was using his tongue to feel into Harry.

“God, Harry.”

And then Harry shoved Louis up against the side of the couch, pushing into him tauntingly. So Louis’ hands grab for Harry’s hair and pull just so, until Harry is moaning more. Louis could very well cum just from the sounds Harry makes.

“Lou, can I…can I take your shirt off?”

“Yeah, baby.”

At that, Harry pulls Louis’ shirt off and starts trailing his warm mouth across Louis’ chest and stomach, leaving little marks of pleasure and pain.

“Harry, I…I want to take your shirt off too.”

But Harry doesn’t wait for Louis to do it, he just rips it off himself, and the minute Louis’ eyes set over Harry, he grabs him and flips him over and onto his back. Grinding into Harry leaves them both panting and breathing heavy, and their hard cocks feel so good against each other, even with a thin layer of jeans between them. It’s driving Louis insane.

“Harry…can I suck you off?”

Harry’s eyes widen with such need as Louis lowers his body so that his head is down by Harry’s zipper.

“Please, Louis.”

“What did you say?”

Louis teases for Harry to say please again, but the pleading coming out of Harry’s mouth is so unholy and sexy, Louis is just about to explode.

“Please, Lou. Please suck me.”

Not waiting any longer, Louis tugs on the zipper and pulls Harry’s pants off. Then he grabs the waistline of his boxers and pulls them down to expose Harry’s cock, which Louis is instantly mesmerized by. Of course, Harry is beautiful everywhere else, why wouldn’t he have a beautiful cock, too? The sight of it just makes Louis go blind with desire, so he grabs his shaft firmly within his right hand, and holds it still as he licks up the side of it, getting it wet from Louis’ tongue.

“Ahh, shit.”

The sounds only encourage Louis, so he licks Harry until he’s getting his whole cock wet. Then, with his hand, Louis starts pumping Harry as he wets his lips more before sliding his mouth onto Harry. The minute that Louis starts to suck on Harry, Harry yells out in pleasure.

Louis bobs his head up and down, and looks up at Harry with his cock in his mouth, watching as Harry’s eyes roll into the back of his head. As Louis’ mouth slides up and down, he glides his tongue over Harry’s tip, licking and sucking at the same time.

“Lou…”

Harrys breathes out Louis’s name. And Louis wants him to cum, he wants him to feel just a slight bit of the way Louis feels towards him. So Louis quickens his pace and moves his hand in a way that pulls moans from deep within Harry’s belly, and Louis is palming himself because he can hardly handle the sight of Harry much less the sounds.

“Lou, I’m gonna…”

And without another second passing, Harry pours into Louis’ mouth. Louis takes it and swallows, before wiping the back of his hand on his mouth and coming up to cuddle into Harry.

“Louis….that…was…amazing. Here, let me get you.”

“Uh, I already kinda of took care of that.”

And with surprised eyes, Harry looks down at Louis to indeed find a wet spot on his pants.

“Wow, you’re incredible.”

“Darling, you…are incredible.”

Harry smiles heartily, and Louis moves his limbs inside the cavern of Harry’s arms, lying there within his heat and smell. Louis feels like a barrier has been broken for him. They’ve moved up in their relationship, they’ve gone further sexually. It may not seem like much, but for Louis, it’s the reassurance he’s been looking for in that things have been going well for them. At least, for now.

* * * *

_June 13th_

“Louis, how can you even expect me to be on your side about this?”

Sitting at Barbara’s home, Louis is perched on her couch and she is walking back from the bathroom.

“Barb…plenty of couples don’t establish colors.”

“I love you, you know I do, but Harry is so great too, and I can’t help feeling for him. You’re not giving him anything to work with. Do you know how difficult that must be for him?”

“But he’s getting to be his own person.”

Barbara sat down in front of Louis and raised her voice slightly at him.

“Louis! Do you know how frustrating you’re being? Listen to me, he is a Sub. I don’t care how much you want to ignore that, but he is. And there is nothing wrong with that, and the more you try to pretend that part of him doesn’t exist, the most it seems like you’re offended by it. I know where you’re coming from, believe me I do, but he doesn’t. How could he, when you haven’t told him anything?”

“This is what everyone keeps saying but I don’t think it’s a huge issue.”

“Love, Sub’s typically want to do everything they can to please their Dom’s. I’ve seen it with Harry so many times, when he finds he’s done something that makes you happy, he’s electric. That’s all he’s asking for. He just wants to know what it is he can do to make you happy. He wants to know, so that he doesn’t unknowingly upset you. That’s not the same thing as you telling him what to do, not by any means. You are not forcing him to do anything he doesn’t want to do. Don’t you understand that? He wants to do this, Louis. Get that through your thick head. He wants to make you happy. Why can’t you let him?”

Their time together was supposed to be spent on catching up, and mostly Louis venting about his family. He wasn’t expecting to get an earful when he let slip that he and Harry did a little more than kiss, and that they hadn’t properly established their colors. Yet here’s Barbara, suddenly so offended over something that doesn’t really involve her. Louis loves her a lot, but there’s an annoyance building inside of him that he doesn’t have a high tolerance for.

“I get it, but I don’t feel comfortable being a Dom. It might start out fine, and then I’ll enjoy the power of telling him what to do, and then day by day, I’ll become more demanding as he starts to hate me.”

“I get it now.”

“Get what?”

“This really has nothing to do with your dad and absolutely nothing to do with Harry. It’s you. You don’t trust yourself. Sure, you’ve seen what your Father is capable of, but it’s you who you are afraid of.”

“That’s bloody rubbish.”

“No! It’s not! You don’t think you’ll be able to handle it. You don’t trust yourself with Harry yet. And you’re absolutely terrified he’s going to see the real you and hate you.”

“Barbara.”

“Louis.”

They sit in silence for five seconds too long, before Louis sighs and stands up.

“I’m going to go.”

“Will you text me once you get home?”

“Yes, Mum.”

Louis grins to play off how upset he is, but Barbara doesn’t buy it, staring at him with a worried expression.

“Alright.”

With the sound of the door slamming behind him, and the warm air hugging him outside, Louis feels his body relax. The thing is, Louis knows Barbara was right. She was able to identify the issues before Louis had even begun to acknowledge them. She was right. Louis is afraid of himself, of himself losing control. Louis is afraid of Harry seeing Louis for who he is really is, and not loving him anymore. She was right, that Louis needs to give Harry a chance, something ten times more than what he has been doing now. So if he can admit that about himself, admit his own faults, why can’t he still find the motivation to make the change? Why is he still finding himself pretending everything is alright?

When Harry cuddles up to Louis late at night, Louis kisses Harry as if everything is okay, when he should be telling him the truth. Harry grins though, and cuddles into him, and it’s easy to remember why Louis doesn’t feel the need to be honest.

* * * *

_June 17 th_

The lads decide it’s time for them to go out. It’s been ages since they’ve had a few proper drinks aside from beer, and Harry is feeling like if he uses one crutch, he might be able to manage the night. However, Louis doesn’t want to go. Not because he doesn’t want to spend time with the boys, not even because he doesn’t want to drink, but because this will be the first time he and Harry will be going out together, and he’s not sure how he’s going to handle other guys trying to talk to Harry.

Louis has never been a jealous person. Of the past ‘relationships’ he had, he was never jealous of someone talking up his significant other. But this is different. Harry isn’t just his partner, he’s his soulmate. And the feelings Louis holds for Harry are so far out of element, that he still has no control over them. So yeah, he’s a bit afraid that tonight with a few drinks in him, he could fly off the handle, but he guesses he’ll just have to wait and see.

They all get to the bar, or rather club, about eleven, and Niall is already holding out shots. They each take one, Zayn, Liam, Harry, Louis, Barbara, and toast to a good night before downing the liquor.

“Alright boys, let’s make this a night we’ll never forget.”

Niall grins as he calls out to everyone. Louis chimes back to him in response.

“Or rather, let’s make this a night we hope to forget.”

All the boys chuckle at Louis’ insinuation, and then Louis wraps his arm around Harry’s lower back, before leaning up to kiss him on the cheek. Harry flushes a little, and then finds a stool at the bar to sit on.

“We’re going to go dance, have fun you two!”

The rest of the group heads down to the dance floor, where Louis hopes someday he can take Harry, because Louis has some serious dancing skills he’s always been eager to show off. Harry turns to order another drink from the bartender, as Louis gets up into the stool next to him.

“So, love, do you miss it?”

“What?”

Harry’s voice is almost inaudible over the music.

“Partying…drinking…dancing…”

“Yeah, but I’m happier to be sitting next to you tonight, then coming here alone.”

“Really?”

“Yes. Before the accident, I went out with the lads a lot, and I found people to hook up with, but nothing felt genuine. It was temporary, fleeting. I wasn’t okay in my apartment, but I never told Gemma or Mum because they never wanted me to move to the city in the first place. They said it was a lonely life, and they were right.”

“But you have tons of friends, Curly. All the boys come over nearly every day after work.”

“Yeah, and you want to know why? Haven’t you ever wondered why they all have access to my place? Niall’s is actually bigger, so don’t let them fool you that it’s about the size.”

Louis contemplated this for a moment. He honestly never wondered about why all the boys did have keys, and how it all started that they would come over as much as they did.

“Did something happen?”

“Sort of. Zayn and Liam had been away on vacation, and Niall was back home, and I just felt lost. Without them, the world really seemed empty, and I didn’t know what to do with myself. I was going out every night, drinking, smoking, snorting whatever anybody handed me, then going to sleep to wake up and do it all over again. I wasn’t in a good place before they left, but the boys were always good about keeping me from going off the deep end. But when they were gone, I was giving in to temptation. One night, some guy gave me something bad and I completely blacked out. When I woke up again, Niall was crying next to me, and Liam and Zayn were silently watching me, and I had woken to find out that I was passed out for two days. I don’t know what happened to me during that time, Niall came back to find me in the hallway, unconscious outside my front door. We don’t talk about it, and I never told my family, but ever since then they always check up on me. They’re still hesitant to leave me alone, and so I think having you around has lifted that burden from their shoulders. I’ve obviously sobered up since then, but it wasn’t easy for me for a while.”

Shivers are across Louis’ skin, and the effects of shock are ricocheting in his veins. Harry…this beautiful, gentle, amazing creature, had experienced all those things, and yet, he still let Louis in. He still trusted Louis enough to know. How could he?

“I wish I could take away all the pain that dwells inside you, Harry Styles. It doesn’t deserve an ounce of your time.”

Harry chuckles, and his dimple deepens with his grin. But then his expression becomes serious again.

“Louis, I know there’s a lot going on inside of you, as well. And I just hope that you can see that the way you feel about me, is exactly how I feel about you. I wish you could open up to me, and let me in, because I promise you I will love you through all the good and bad parts. But it’s up to you, and up to you on when you’re ready to allow me that kind of trust. But I’ll be here for you, always.”

It’s not meant to, but every syllable that escapes Harry’s mouth transforms into a shard that cuts deep into Louis’ heart. He wants to cry. He wants to cuddle into Harry and cry until his feelings pour out of him along with the pain. But he can’t yet. He can’t say anything yet, until he’s ready to admit his own faults too, and he’s not. But he fucking loves Harry, and that’s a different kind of pain that swells inside of him.

  
“Love, you have no idea how badly I want to. But I can’t, not yet. But I will, someday, someday soon, I will tell you everything. And if you don’t like me, or want to be with me, I won’t stand in your way.”

“Louis, I’ll never not love you.”

He doesn’t say anything else, refraining himself from pressing the issue forward. So instead, he leans in and kisses Harry on the cheek, and goes to find Zayn for a quick smoke break. Yeah, he’s never smoked before, but somehow, it seems like the thing he needs to do.

* * * *

“You okay, boo bear?”

“Yeah, just…unsure.”

“Of what?”

Zayn is leaning against the iron railing, as Louis is standing a few steps away. Zayn passes him the cigarette, and Louis places it between his lips, inhaling the toxins that he so badly wants to burn away at him.

“I don’t know why, but I haven’t told Harry anything about my Father, or really at all about my family. I mean he knows, he knows there’s something wrong and I haven’t seen them, and it’s a sore subject. But he doesn’t know why. And I still haven’t established colors with him, and I feel like I’ve been trying to do the right thing this whole time, and suddenly it’s not working out that way at all.”

Zayn exhales smoke between his lips, and even Louis can’t help but find the scene a bit poetic. A beautiful boy with dark hair and dark eyes, breathing out a world of despair between his dry, whiskey-stained lips.

“You have to tell him. I think all the answers you’re looking for, you will find once you take that weight off your shoulders.”

“You don’t think it will create more drama?”

“Louis, you aren’t being honest with him. And you haven’t been having the amazing kind of relationship I know you two should be having. It’s aggravating to watch two people that are so unimaginably meant for each other, completely miss out on something great.”

“You make it sound like it’s easy.”

“That’s because it is. Stop worrying, and just do it. Just let it go. Give Harry the chance he’s been wanting all this time.”

“Yeah? And what’s that?”

“To love you…”

“He does love me.”

“But not how he wants to. Not even how you want him to.”

Louis stops smoking, and hands the cigarette back to Zayn.

“I’m gonna go back inside and find him. See you around.”

Walking back inside the club, Louis feels a giant surge of energy envelop him. He’s going to do it. He’s going to go up to Harry, he’s going to tell him to come back home with him, and lay it all on him. He’s going to let Harry have all the filthy details of Louis’ life, and he’s going to let Harry be the Sub he wants to be. Except…Louis didn’t consider one fact when he planned out the rest of his night. That when he walked back into the club and over to the bar, that he would find some tall, gangly guy, touching his Harry, and well…shit kind of hits the fan.

“Hey, fucker! Hands off!”

And in the moment, Louis knows this isn’t the best way to go about it, but before Louis can argue with his intoxicated conscious, he’s already punching the other guy in the face. And before Louis can stop himself from going for round two, Harry starts screaming bloody murder. This then leads to the other guys and Barbara running over, which also attracts the attention of the gigantic club bouncers, who grab Louis by the shoulders and physically throw him out into the street. So that whole plan about talking tonight, goes directly out of the window of the taxicab, along with Louis’ dignity.

“I can’t believe you!”

Harry screams as they enter the flat. He’s dropping his crutch to the side of the door, and walking straight towards the bedroom.

“Harry, I’m sorry. I just, I got caught up, and he was touching you, and I-”

“Save it! You could have asked. Nick was an old friend from Uni.”

“Babe, please. I’m really, terribly, sorry.”

“I just…I don’t want to talk to you right now. Or tonight. I’m going to bed. I’ll see you in the morning.”

And so Harry goes into the bedroom, locking out both Louis and Muffin. Needless to say, it’s not easy to fall asleep without Harry next to Louis to keep him warm. And needless to say, it’s not easy to fall asleep when Louis can sense Harry crying from within himself. This whole ‘being connected’ thing, is not a perk for a deeply drunk and apologetic Louis.


	7. Chapter 7

_June 20 th_

How many times can you tell someone that you are sorry before they begin to believe you? For Louis, one hundred still wasn’t enough. He brought back Harry’s favorite pastries from the bakery, he bought him flowers, he confessed his sincerest apologies, over and over again. But three days later, and Harry is still giving him the cold shoulder. But Louis can’t blame him, it’s well deserved.

“Harry, I know you’re still upset but can we talk about this? Can I take you out to eat or something? Even get us take out?”

Louis hears Harry sigh in his ear, through the phone.

“Lou, I…I just can’t tonight. Maybe tomorrow.”

“Alright, yeah. Tomorrow.”

“Okay, bye.”

“Bye.”

So this is how Louis spent his break…talking on the phone, trying to convince the love of his life to give him a chance, and being once again, turned down. Louis isn’t really in the mood to go back out and do work, but at this point, what else is he going to do with himself? So he rubs his face with his hands to wipe off the tears that have somewhat dried, and takes a deep breath.  _Things will be okay,_ he tells himself.  _Soon they’ll be okay._

* * * *

As always, when Louis leaves the bakery three hours later, things are not okay. As he’s walking down the street, he spots a familiar face with platinum blonde hair. Louis briefly wonders when Lottie died it so light, but then remembers he’s trying to avoid her still, and so returns his attention to passing her inconspicuously. Of course, that doesn’t work.

“Louis?”

He turns his head, and he puts on a fake and pained smile because he’s not really sure how else he should be looking at her.

“Oh, Lottie. How nice it is to see you.”

She actually seems cheerful, albeit still awkward, but definitely content around Louis. Which strikes him immediately as odd, considering their last encounter.

“Yeah, actually I’ve been meaning to talk to you. Any interest in grabbing tea?”

“If you include dinner, I’m all yours.”

She chuckles, and everything feels like it’s easy, like it’s falling back into place, for just that moment in time. But they have a long way to go before either of them can be as close as they were before, and while that thought upsets Louis, it also comforts him, because despite it taking a while, the fact that there is still a chance for it at all, is comforting to know.

They head to a Chinese food restaurant that they used to eat at when they were younger. Louis and Lottie order their usual, and things suddenly grow quiet as the waitress walks away to make their orders.

“So, Lou. How have things been?”

“Good. How about you? Or the family?”

“Good. Kinda. Things haven’t been half as bad since you talked to Dad.”

“You found out about that?”

It doesn’t really take him by surprise that she knows, his whole family was never great at keeping secrets. If you told one person, you essentially told them all.

“Yeah, well, kinda hard not to hear the screaming outside of my window.”

“Right.”

She looks away as Louis fidgets with his fingers.

“Mum misses you, you know. Everyone does. But she really misses you. And I miss you too.”

“You know that’s all I wanted to hear last time.”

“I know. But it really hurt, you know? You were just forgetting about us, and you left us, for someone you didn’t even know.”

“I know how that might seem to you, but I had no choice. Dad wouldn’t hear me out, and he told me I had a month and then I needed to be gone. What was I going to do?”

“Stay.”

“You know that I would have liked to, but he would never have let me. His word is final.”

They stare at each other, but it’s not aggressive, it’s not defensive. They’re looking at each other, looking for all the answers to their lingering questions inside.

“I know, but I still would have liked it.”

“I would have too. Lottie, I don’t want to never talk to you again. I don’t want to be arguing like this. I’ve been missing a part of me, and it’s never going to be fixed until I have you all back in my life. But I had to do what was right for me, and I just want you to support that, even if you don’t understand it.”

“Of course, Louis. I’ll always be there for you.”But do you understand where I was coming from? Suddenly you were leaving us, and I had to pick up the pieces. I know I said things I didn’t mean, but I was just trying to say whatever I could to make you stay.”

“I understand that now, honest, I do. I just wish we could have settled this all sooner. So much time has passed since then.”

“Yeah, but it’s okay. It’s settled now, and that’s all that matters.”

“Let’s never do this again.”

“Promise?”

Lottie sticks out her pinky finger, and Louis instantly extends his, and wraps it around hers. They always held a pinky promise as the highest form of a contract you could make.

“Pinky Promise.”

They giggle at the silly-ness of it, but it helps Louis to feel his wounds begin to heal. It’s not much, but it’s a start. As the waitress comes back with their food, the atmosphere around them has lightened significantly.

“So, tell me about Mr. Coma.”

“Oh god, never again. His name is Harry, and we’re actually soulmates!”

“Shut the fuck up!”

Lottie grabs Louis’ wrist before he has time to move it on his own, gaping in amazement at the shining green light.

“Yep, didn’t think it was possible, but guess it is. He’s wonderful, Lottie. You have to meet him.”

“I want to! And Louis, I’m so happy for you. Truly, I’m happy this worked out!”

“You don’t know how much that means to me.”

They stayed at the restaurant for a long time, catching up on buried issues, catching up on the latest gossip. By the time Louis had hugged Lottie goodbye, he had felt physically and mentally lighter. All the burdens, and the stress that had been residing on his shoulders had finally been pulled off. He knows he still has a lot to work out, especially with Harry, but mending issues with Lottie has been the largest weight on his mind, and with it gone, he feels invincible.

* * * *

Louis comes home to the lads on his couch, minus Harry. He doesn’t notice at first, but once he does, he assumes that maybe Harry is in the bathroom or their bedroom. However, when Louis searches around, he finds nothing but a cuddle up Muffin in the middle of their bedsheets, and he starts to panic.

“Guys, where’s Harry?”

Niall pulls his focus away from the video game first.

“What do ya mean? Wasn’t he with you?”

“No!”

Zayn perks up this time and walks over to Louis, worry tearing at his face now.

“Did you call Anne, boo? Or Gemma? See if they know”

“No…shit. I’m panicking, I don’t know why I’m freaking out. Sorry. Let me call Harry again and them if he doesn’t answer. I’m sure they’ll know.”

Except they don’t. Three rings leave Louis to Harry and Anne’s voicemail, and two rings lead Louis to a confused Gemma, who hasn’t heard from Harry since yesterday.

“Okay, can I panic now?”

“No! Let’s give it another half hour, and if Harry doesn’t come home, or we don’t hear from him, then we’ll go out and search.”

Liam tries to be reassuring, but Louis’ insides are freaking out. And the worst part is, he can feel something, something he hasn’t felt before. It’s a deep sadness, but there’s something else he can sense that he doesn’t know what it is, and that makes him freak only ten times more. Whatever Harry is up too, it’s not good.

“I can’t do that. I’m going out now, I’m going to find him.”

Niall cuts in now.

“Louis, why don’t we go out and look for him? That way, if he comes home, you’ll be here to talk to him.”

It takes all of Louis’ willpower to agree with Niall. He wants to go out, he wants to search for him, but Niall’s right. If Harry comes home while the boys are out, at least Louis will be here to see him.

“Ugh! Fine, but call me the minute you find him.”

Zayn gives Louis a tight hug, and then responds back to him as the others walk out.

“It’s going to be okay, I promise we will let you know if anything happens.”

And with that, they’re gone. And all Louis can do to keep himself sane, is pace the room.

* * * *

It’s three hours later when the front door of the apartment is opened, and Harry walks in, drenched head to toe in what may be sweat or water. Louis is frozen in place, not sure what words could possibly be great enough to fill the silence between them. He has so much he wants to say, he has so much he wants to ask, but the only thing that comes out of Louis’ mouth is the sound of his heavy breathing.

Harry looks annoyed, and Louis can’t figure out why the expression on Harry’s face isn’t syncing up with the feeling Louis has within himself. He can sense a level of hurt that is far beyond the simple look decorated upon Harry’s face. But then Harry looks into Louis’ eyes, and there...there he sees what he’s been looking for. The pain.

“Harry…where…where have you been?”

It comes out as a whisper, and it conveys how vulnerable Louis is right now.

“I was out.”

“Well, I could see that. Where?”

“Louis, I don’t want to talk about this right now.”

“What do you mean you don’t want to talk about this? You weren’t answering my calls…no one knew where you were!”

“I needed to go out. I needed some air.”

“You’re still not fully healed, you need to be taking it easy.”

“I’m fine!”

Despite the tone in his words, Louis is trying his best to remain calm.

“Were you drinking? Did you take something?”

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Louis shouldn’t have said that. And Harry’s instant change in facial expression is evidence enough to know he fucked up.

“I told you I wasn’t like that anymore. I can’t believe you’re using my past against me.”

“I’m not! God, no! I’m just asking. I want to know, you just, you left. You were gone. I thought…I thought I wouldn’t see you again. And it’s killing me not knowing where you were.”

“Well, now you know how I feel.”

SMACK. Harry’s words slap Louis across the face, and it hurts.

“What do you mean?”

But Louis really didn’t need to ask, he knew. He knew what Harry was implying.

“You hide everything from me! You don’t tell me anything! And you tell me you love me, but you don’t want to establish colors, you don’t want to really take our relationship a step further. Do you not want me? Do you not like that I’m a Sub? Does that bother you?”

“Stop! Stop! None of that is true! I just, I just don’t know what I’m going through. It’s hard, and I don’t know how to explain that to you. It’s hard, I don’t want to tell you what to do. I want you to do what you want, not what I want.”

“But that’s what I want! I want to do, what you want me to do. I want to make you happy, I want to do the things you like. But you don’t let me in, you don’t tell me. Do you even want me here?”

“Yes! I want you here, and I want to be here. Just give me time! I need some more time, to figure myself out.”

Louis didn’t mean to do it, but he broke Harry. He knows he did. Standing in front of him, his words stampeding out of his heart and into the room, and Harry just…breaks. He doesn’t move for what feels like hours, and then finally, he straightens his back, grabs his coat, and walks back out of the room and out of the flat.

The sound of Harry’s feet pressing against the wooden panels, and the loud thud of the door shutting behind him, echoes in Louis’ head for hours. He stands in the same spot, unable to remove himself, afraid that once he walks away he’ll have to acknowledge what he’s done. But for now, he’s still reliving it, reliving the moment over and over and over and over again. Burning into his eyes until tears pour endlessly from them, and scorching into his brain until it’s the only scene he sees. Hours later, Niall, Liam, and Zayn come back to the apartment to find Louis in whatever comatic state he’s in. They don’t say anything, as they help Louis to bed. After, they stay out in the living room for the night, while Louis does his best to not breathe in the bed drenched in Harry’s scent. He forgot what it used to be like, to have the scent of home rushing in his veins, and not be able to be within its reach.

* * * *

_June 27 th_

It’s been one week since Louis has seen Harry. To say that he misses the feel of his skin pressing against him in the middle of the night, or the deep husky rasp of his voice, or the shade of green his eyes are when the light hits them just right, or his dimple when he laughs, is an understatement. He craves it all, every last detail, every last skin cell. He aches for Harry to be beside him, and the insufferable agony he feels without him is borderline unbearable. Niall and Barbara informed the ladies at the bakery that he wouldn’t be coming into work. Zayn had Liam force Louis to eat and drink. Even Lottie stopped over to check on how he was when she hadn’t heard anything. But none of their actions have helped. Louis feels nothing. Absolutely nothing.

* * * *

_June 18 th_

Anne’s calling. Anne’s calling. Anne’s calling. She’s called every day since. She’s tried to get a hold of him, every day since. But he can’t do it. Because he’ll hear her voice and everything will come crashing down. He can’t handle it if she’s mad at him. He can’t do it. But today, today he wants to talk to her with a surging desire that he hasn’t felt before. So he extends his frail fingers and pulls his phone closer as he hits answer.

“Hello?”

“Louis?!? Louis, is that you? Love, how are you doing? Are you okay? Do you need anything?”

Tears are already welling up, it hurts so much.

“Anne…I’ve messed up.”

“Louis…Louis please, please don’t say that. You both made mistakes.”

“But I told him I needed time, I…I didn’t think he thought I meant from him. I just…”

“I know. I know, love.”

“How is he?”

She sighs at the question.

“Not much better. I think you should come here.”

“I can’t.”

“You can. And you should. Just talk to him, clear things up. You both are being silly.”

“He’d never let me talk to him.”

“I think you’d be surprised.”

“I love him.”

“I know you do, hun.”

“I just want him home.”

“So go to him, tell him that, and bring him back.”

“It’s not that easy.”

“It is, love, it really is.”

Could she be right? Could it really be so easy to fix the bridges that have been burned? Could it be so easy to go to Harry right now, and confess everything he’s been holding back? Louis doubts it, but…but he also has nothing else to lose.

“Okay…okay, I’ll come.”

“You will?”

“Yes. Tomorrow though. I need to…I need to clean myself up.”

“Okay, I won’t tell him. Just text me when you’re on your way.”

“Alright, Anne. See you tomorrow. And… I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to apologize for, I’m not upset with you in the slightest.”

“I know, but…”

“No buts. I love you Louis like you’re my own child. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“I love you, too. Bye.”

When the call ends, and Louis’ phone screen goes dark again, he lets out a deep exhale. Afterwards, he gathers himself up and heads into the shower, to wash off days’ worth of filth and misery. One way or another, tomorrow is going to be life-changing, and Lou’s not sure he’ll ever be prepared for it.


	8. Chapter 8

_June 19 th_

“Louis, we’re going to be here for you when you get back, with or without Harry. We love him, but we love you too. So don’t forget that.”

Zayn wraps Louis up in a hug, with Liam and Niall following suit. Louis knows that if things don’t work out between Harry and him, losing these lads as friends will be the next most difficult thing to endure. Obviously, they can say they would never do that, but Harry was there first, and Louis wouldn’t blame them if they began to pull away. He’s just severely hoping it doesn’t have to come down to that.

“Thanks. Right, well I’m off. See you boys when I get back.”

Taking his wallet, and his phone, Louis exits the apartment and heads out the doors of the building. It’s not an especially great day out, typical gray skies and a chilly breeze in the air, but Louis knows that regardless of the weather, today is a day he’ll remember forever.

* * * *

 _Knock. Knock._ Anne opens the door seconds after Louis’ hands have fallen back down to his sides, and she looks tired. Her eyes have purple bags under them, and her hair is a bit frizzier than normal. Louis wonders if it’s because of Harry, but decides it better not to ask.

“Oh, Louis. Come here!”

Instantly, she grabs him in for a hug, and Louis melts into her. It’s the most comforting feeling in the world, and he’s almost forgotten how much he’s missed it.

“Love, he’s upstairs. He still is in bed, hasn’t gotten out in a while, so you’ll find him there.”

“Thank you.”

“Good luck.”

She gives him one more tight squeeze and then releases him to find Harry. As Louis climbs the staircase up to the second floor, his stomach starts flipping, and he surely thinks he’s going to puke. But he tries to steady his breathing, and focus on the door coming up ahead of him.  _I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this._

Louis initially was going to knock on the bedroom door, but if he does that, then he’s giving Harry the choice to let him in or not. So instead, Louis’ just going to have to take him by surprise if he wants to talk with Harry. Grasping the handle, Louis breathes a few times, until he twists the doorknob. What happens first, once the door swings open, is that Louis finds Harry sitting on the bed, crying into his bent up knees What happens next, is that Louis bursts out crying too, at the sight of Harry.

It all happens really fast, but Louis sobs, which makes enough noise to grab Harry’s attention, and despite Louis’ initial thoughts that Harry would be mad, he instead, runs over to Louis and grabs him in a hug. So there they are, crying into one another’s shoulders, and holding onto each other as if they never want to be apart again, in the middle of Gemma’s room.

“Lou…what are you doing here?”

Harry pulls away but keeps his hands within Louis’, as he pulls Louis to sit on the bed with him.

“I needed to see you. We need to talk.”

“Let me go first, Louis-”

“Harry…I promise you that I want to hear everything that you have to say, but I really think I should go first.”

“Okay.”

Louis takes the biggest inhale that he can because he’s not sure when he’ll get to breathe again.

“I want to start off first by saying I’m sorry. I’m…I’m not sure why I never told you about my family, and how some of the things I do are because of the things I’ve dealt with, with them. But I want to now. My Father was a stereotypical Dom, he ordered my Mother around all the time and often punished me and my sisters for the smallest mistakes made. When I was paired with you, he didn’t want me to accept my pairing because it didn’t look good as a Dom. When I chose to be with you despite his demands, he kicked me out. That was why Anne let me live in your apartment because I had nowhere else to go. And when my Father kicked me out, my whole family turned their backs on me, including Lottie. And I never feared it before, but once you woke up and we found out we were soulmates, I feared being a Dom. Because I loved you, and the last thing I wanted was for you to hate me the way my Mom hates my Dad. I never want to abuse you or take advantage of you, and I have this fear that the minute I start taking on my Dom responsibilities, I’m going to get power hungry. But it’s not fair to you because I’m denying you the things you want, too. And instead of making you feel happy like I thought you would, you’re hurt and upset.”

“Lou...”

“Look, I know now I didn’t go about anything the right way, but I want to. I want to start over, and take things day by day, and let this grow the way it’s meant to. I never want to wake up without you by my side again. I can’t explain to you how hard it’s been without you, and I just want you to come home.”

“If you had just told me this from the beginning, this all could have been avoided. But I understand why you didn’t. I’m glad you finally told me now though, and I’m sorry that I left. I want to come back home, too. I want to cuddle next to you and Muffin, and never feel alone again.”

“Harry, I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

Louis leans in to kiss Harry on his lips, in a way that was meant as a reminder of what he feels, but Harry presses back harder, and instantly Louis’ senses are heightened. Leaning in, Louis guides Harry on his back, on the bed, as he’s still kissing fiercely into his mouth. Harry is moaning soft and low, and Louis keeps sucking on his bottom lip to hear more.

“Harry, colors.”

“You know mine. You tell me yours.”

“My greens are kissing, fingering, rimming, oral, anal, light BDSM, love foreplay and teasing, role-play, and power play. That’s…that’s actually my big kink, and I…I don’t want you to hate me for it.”

“Is that why you’re so afraid? Because a part of you does enjoy that? Do you fear it because you want to try it?”

“I don’t want to try it.”

“Louis…I’m okay with it. And you can keep asking for my color, so we know we’re both okay. I trust you.”

“Okay…okay, if you say so. But you have to let me know if it’s too much.”

“Of course.”

Louis leans in and picks up where he left off, kissing into Harry’s plump lips. Louis tries to ease into it, by telling Harry to take off his shirt, first. Harry smirks, and tugs at his shirt slowly, teasing Louis with each inch of skin being uncovered next. Louis bends his head down and licks and bites into Harry’s chest. Sliding up again to Harry’s neck, where he starts sucking aggressively into him.

“Color?”

“Ugh, Green. So Green.”

Louis grins, and then demands Harry to pull his own shirt off next, which Harry does with the same cocky, and taunting expression that is driving Louis absolutely mad right now.

“Harry, baby, I want you to take your pants off for me.”

And as Harry tugs his pants below his waist, Louis follows too, pulling off his own. And God, once Harry is lying on his bed, legs sprawled out, and cock exposed, Louis is so gone. Harry is so compliant for him, and it’s insanity how turned on he is, which surely Harry can see.

“Harry, don’t touch yourself. Not at any point tonight.”

“Okay.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

Louis grabs onto Harry’s hip bones and begins sucking a trail down to his enlarged cock, licking up the sides of it, until it’s nice and wet. Harry grabs into Louis’ hair and pulls firmly as Louis works him up. When Louis looks up at him, Harry’s cheeks are flushed, and he’s sucking on his own thumb.

“You want to suck on something baby?”

“Yes, Lou.”

“Not yet. But here, you can suck on my thumb for now.”

Harry takes Louis’ left hand, and starts sucking his thumb, while Louis goes back to sucking on Harry. Louis is squeezing his lips tightly around Harry’s tip, and pushing down until Harry’s deep into his throat. Again, Louis goes up and down, sucking tighter and going deeper, procuring loud moans from within Harry that Louis is hoping Anne can’t hear.

“Harry, turn over.”

Instantly, Harry turns around so that he’s on all fours, and Louis’ mouth goes slack at the sight of him. Leaning forward, he kisses the back of Harry’s beautiful thighs, and works his way up to Harry’s ass.

“Color.”

“Fuck, Green!”

At that, Louis presses his lips forward to Harry’s tight hole. At first, he just slides his tongue around it, teasing the outside of Harry as Harry moans into his pillowcases. Then, he juts his tongue forward, and begins gliding back and forth into Harry at a pace that has him gripping the life out of his sheets.

“Lou…fuck….”

“Do you have lube, love?”

Harry quickly grabs a bottle of lube from the drawer in the nightstand next to him, and Louis tells himself to ask Harry about why that was in Gemma’s room, but now is not the time to do it. As Harry passes the lube back to Louis, he takes the bottle and lathers up his fingers with the contents. Harry watches on with such need, which only increases Louis’ want to tease, as he takes his index finger and slowly inserts it in, pulling it back and forth in a way that causes Harry’s jaw to drop.

“Color.”

“Unnnnhhh, green.”

“You like that baby?”

“Yesss.”

“You want more?”

“Yes.”

“Yes, what?”

“Yes, sir.”

“You’re so good. So willing for me.”

“Anything for you.”

“I’m gonna put a second finger in, okay?”

“Yes.”

Louis puts a second finger, to which Harry moans so loudly there’s no denying that the whole street can definitely hear them.

“Color.”

“Green, fuck, Louis, more. Want more.”

“Did you say… more?”

“Yes.”

“One more finger baby, that’s all you get.”

Harry bites his lip and nods, and Louis does everything in his power to not pull out his fingers and fuck him senseless right then. He just barely keeps his composure as he slides another finger in.

“Fuck, Harry, you’re so warm.”

“Gonna…cum…”

“Not yet. You wait until I tell you too. Okay?”

“Mhmm.”

Louis pulls his fingers out, and grabs his cock, pushing it deep inside Harry.

“Ugh, Harry, you feel…ugh, you feel so fucking good.”

“Louis, more.”

“More?”

“Yes.”

“Yes, what?”

“Yes, sir!”

Grabbing a tighter hold onto Harry’s hips, Louis pounds mercilessly into him. As Louis’ cock grinds into Harry, he feels the build-up swelling in his abdomen.

“Harry?”

They both are talking out of breath.

“Yes…”

Louis reaches around and touches Harry’s cock as he continues fucking into him. Then he leans forward, and whispers into Harry’s ear.

“Cum for me.”

And as the last word falls out, Harry cums all over Louis’ hand. Then Louis pulls out, and Harry turns around to suck Louis off until he cums seconds later, into Harry’s open mouth.

“Harry…I love…I love you so much.”

“I love you more, Lou.”

Out of breath, the two boys’ lye next to each other on the bed, cuddled into one another’s arms, legs entangled below. Harry leans his head so that it’s against Louis’ chest, and Louis runs his fingers within the soft curls of Harry’s hair. Today certainly did not have a great state, but after all is said and done, this is by far, the best day of Louis’ life.


	9. Chapter 9

_July 3 rd  **[2 weeks later]**_

“Louis, when do you have to switch your major?”

Lottie is sitting across from Louis, as Harry is sitting next to him. The three of them are out to lunch, eating at the Chinese restaurant the siblings ate at last time.

“I called my academic advisor, and she said I should do it within the month, cause a lot of the classes I’ll need to take may already be filled.”

“Did you figure out your major, yet?”

Underneath the table, Harry is holding tightly onto Louis’ hand, and Louis is trying to keep his focus on the conversation, even though all he can think about are Harry’s long fingers.

“I want to do something with acting, I feel like. But I’m not sure.”

“Well, I have a friend who is studying to be a Drama Teacher, and I kept thinking about how you’d totally be ace at that. She said you could talk to her if you wanted to know more about what she’s studying.”

Harry jumps in, too.

“Yeah, I mentioned Drama to Louis a while ago. I agree, I think he’d be great at it! And teaching kids would be fun.”

Louis’ face flushes from all the compliments, just as he responds back to his sister.

“Yeah, that’d be great! Thanks, Lots.”

“No problem. Oh yeah, Harry, you’re starting up in the fall again too, right?”

“Yeah, I’m excited because Louis and I will be going to school together now.”

“Aww, how cute.”

Harry is grinning from ear to ear, and Louis wants to kiss his lips until they're swollen with his love. Instead, he joins back in the conversation.

“Oh, how is everything going on at home? How are the girls? How’s Mum?”

“Well, things have been kind of strange around the house, like Dad and Mum have been extra quiet when they talk.”

“Weird.”

“Yeah, I’ll have to keep you updated.”

“Please do. I want to see them all so bad.”

“Well, Mum can’t leave because Dad’s home all day long now, but maybe I can take the girls out next time we meet up.”

“That would be great, Lottie, you have no idea.”

“Yeah, and then Harry can meet them too.”

Harry responds back to her, even more thrilled than before.

“I’d love too.”

“Well, that settles it then. Two weeks from now, meet us at the park.”

And Louis replies eagerly.

“Just like old times.”

* * * *

_September 3 rd  **[1 Month Later]**_

“Louis, how has it felt, being in school again with us losers?”

“Barb, you have no idea. My classes are great! I can’t believe how much better it is when you enjoy what you’re actually studying.”

Louis is over at Barbara’s house, while Harry is out with the lads. They invited Louis and Barbara along, but they decided they needed some best friend time. The rest of the summer went by quickly, but now that school has begun, time seems to literally be running away from him. Even with ending his job at the bakery (although Harry took his back, so it’s not all that sad), Louis still finds himself losing hours of the day.

“Yeah, I bet. And how’s Harry and Muffin?”

“Better than ever. I don’t know how I ever was acting so stupid. Since that day, we’ve just done our best to be open and honest with one another, and it’s so refreshing. I didn’t know things could be this good.”

“You were being a royal tit back then, but I’m glad that you’ve seen the light.”

“You inspired me!”

“Oh shut up…”

They chuckle together while eating pizza on the couch, and Louis is just about to say something else when his phone rings. It’s a call from Lottie.

“Hey, what’s up?”

“Louis…Mum is leaving!”

“What?”

“Mum, she told Dad she couldn’t do it anymore, and she’s taking all of us, and leaving.”

“When?”

“Now…but don’t come! She claims we’re going to Aunt Mary’s for the time being, and she needs to figure out all the legal stuff from here, so I’ll let you know when it’s a good time to come visit.”

“Is everyone okay, though? Are the girls okay?”

“Louis…we’re all more than okay. We’re…we’re really excited. Now I know what it felt like for you to leave.”

“I’m glad. I hope everything works out.”

“It will. I have to go, but I’ll talk to you as soon as I can.”

“Okay, tell everyone I love them and miss them.”

“Sure, tell Harry the same.”

When Lottie hung up the phone, Louis couldn’t find any proper words to say, but a smile was pressed upon his face, and that explained better than any words could, on how Louis felt. For his whole life, he stood back helplessly as he watched his family disintegrate under his Father’s rule. His Mum, his sisters, they all had to walk on eggshells, and now, now they are finally free of the chains that had been locked against them. Now they are finally free, to enjoy their lives as they should have always been able to. And that - that is wonderful, incomprehensible feeling.


	10. Chapter 10

_December 24 th  **[Louis’ Birthday]**_

_When Harry grabs the poster from the closet behind him, Louis is absolutely in tears._

_“I love you so much, Harry.”_

_“I love you too. Happy Birthday.”_

_And then Louis lays the poster on the floor and pulls Harry on top of him in bed. And if they take an extra thirty minutes before they come back out of the bedroom, a little disheveled but extremely, incandescently happy, then it’s nobody’s business but their own._

* * * *

When Harry and Louis enter back into the flat from their bedroom, Niall and Barbara are making out, while Zayn and Liam are talking to a few other people Harry invited from school. Louis reaches for a beer to start drinking, as Harry’s phone rings. After saying two words to the person he is on the phone with, and then hanging up, Harry comes closer to Louis and grabs a hold of his hand again.

“Lou…I have one more surprise for you.”

“Are you serious? This was enough, I don’t want anything more.”

“Shush.”

Harry pulls him towards their front door, and as if perfectly timed, the door opens and Lottie comes bolting through. Louis is ecstatic to see her, but it’s the person that follows behind her that has him frozen in place.  _Mum._

“Happy Birthday, Louis.”

She stands there awkwardly, but Louis runs up to her and hugs her, instantly breaking the tension between them. It’s been months of her fighting legal issues with Louis’ Father, and of her and the girls living with friend to friend, but the family is finally settled and in a good place. Louis has been dying to see them, but Lottie had been evasive every time he asked. Now he knows why. And this, this was well worth the wait.

“I’ve missed you so much.”

“I’ve missed you too, darling.”

When Louis let’s go, he turns around to a cheery, and teary-eyed Harry.

“You planned all this? The party and mum coming?”

“Yep, every last detail was me.”

“What did I do to ever deserve someone like you?”

“Oh but love, it is you I’m sure I don’t deserve.”

So Louis kisses him, and then introduces Harry to his Mum, and then cries and laughs, and cries some more. The rest of the night is spent drinking and eating, and Louis confessing his feelings to Harry every minute that he has a chance, in case Harry forgets. And Harry kissing Louis every second he’s not already doing so because he hates being apart. They might be a bit affectionate, and they get yelled at a few times for public indecency, but they both could care less. And within Louis, there’s a feeling so pure, and so strong that burns at the very core of his being, and he knows that’s how Harry feels too. There is nothing Louis is more sure of than the fact that he and Harry are meant to be together. And he just wants to tell everyone about it. He just wants everyone to know that he found home, and he’s never letting go again.


End file.
